hehe, just sneaked a look at your reviews. You've earnt every one of them.

I'm proud of ya!

:D

She didn't dare trust her feet in it. She didn't have luck with chancy things like that. Like life.

- love this!

This is very clear already, but if you want to make it even more clearer, have "It hurts, you bastard! Hope hurts..?"

Lovely!

Narq.

...hand at the revolver at his waist "This is-"

-Edit: I think either a comma or a period should be inserted after "waist"

"Only for 2 months!"

-Style: I would spell 2 out

I liked the theme of this chapter that you used in the title as "Envy", I definitley felt that coming through with Mogilev's offensive about Nora and trying to get her thrown out. I'm glad he didn't succeed, at least not yet, but it proved for some great dialogue between Alexei and him.

When the chapter started, I didn't exactly feel like it had a purpose to detail Alexei's sister, at least not a greater purpose that revealing some of his characterization and his past-but once we segued into the scene with Mogilev I started to enjoy and see this chapter's purpose a lot more. I think you've done a good job balancing all the different characters up to this point that you've introduced too, and upon finishing the entire chapter I do agree that it's appropriate to linger a little one Alexei and give him more dimension, since thus far he has been the distant Tsar. Getting a peak behind the closed doors was pretty cool.

This chapter also ended suspensefully-I wonder what he's going to do, I think even though you've revealed a bit of his past and his own struggles, leaving him more vulnerable than before, you're also crafting him as a man with continuous aires of mystery too, and that makes for a great character! Looking forward to more!

yay for updates! can't wait for the next one

I find it interesting how you tend to start a chapter on a light note and end in tension. It's a trend that works for you, though you may not want to get too repetitive.

Katya's emotions were well played here, I though. You made them real and believable, bringing her character up to the next level.

One thing I didn't really understand was your Pride and Prejudice reference. You said 'Mrs Bingley', and by that I can only assume you meant Bingley's mother, who never appeared in the novel to the best of my memory. If you meant Miss Caroline Bingley, then that would make more sense. However, considering this is from Katya's point of view, and given the censorship of the time as well as her lack of education, I'm not sure she would be making references to Jane Austen. It was a good reference, but not really in keeping with character and setting.

I liked the tenderness of this scene and the subtle transition toward the end. It was well accomplished, I thought, and seemed to fit. An entire chapter of sickly sweet nothing would not have fit. I also enjoy vague mentions of past, because no that Nikolai's past has been fully fleshed out, it makes a certain amount of sense to go over Katya's, though not all at once. Katya's dependence on the mirages of her dead friends is a lovely image as well, and I think it shows her development as a character, but also the distance she still has to go until she becomes 'normal'.

I found the use of the word 'clones' anachronistic, but otherwise this was yet another effective, moving example of story telling.

"Her mind couldn't form images of a world untainted by the world of the camps."

A bit redundant?

The Virgin Mary exchange was wonderful, being both funny and revealing, and Katya's psychological realignments certainly ring true.

In other words, another excellent installment offered here.

Excellent chapter with wonderfully evocative descriptions like the "broken glass edges" of a fatalistic mindset.

I like the way you make us feel Katya's hyper self-consciousness when entering the town, forcing herself to focus on the bird sitting in the tree to keep from panicking.

Her memories of her train ride to prison camp have sharp visual and emotional impact. I don't know if I'd prefer you made it clear that she was among the women raped by the soldiers, or if it is better just inferred.

You did well describing the hardships of their trek from the camp. But you might have provided details of grooming problems, such as Nikolai scraping off his beard on the infrequent occasions when he was able to heat water for shaving. Or how Katya coped with her monthly periods.

You could tell more about the Stolypin railroad car-how the exterior was made to look like a regular passenger car to keep observers ignorant of the suffering within.

Poor Katya. I know I wish she would stop being so pessimistic but that's unrealistic. Of course, she's gonna be paranoid and morbid after all she's been through. But I'm so glad, we've gotten one step closer to her past. I'm looking forward to moment, when Koyla asks about it. Now, I'm trying to make sense of Koyla's tenseness. He must have been feeling similar to Katya, and bit protective over her too.I loved how you made him seem so weak with the written! Here's Katya's mind again, haunting her. I take it she was a favorite of the soldiers? I guess you answered a question I had too. I was wondering what their attire was by now. Apparently, Koyla is still in uniform and Katya must have confiscated some of the hunter's gear? I don't like that Koyla left Katya alone in the boxcar but I guess maybe it'd be suspicious if he didn't go. Not sure? Now with all these disturbing memories of soldiers I wonder how she's gonna take to Nikolai once he returns from his soldier gathering. Another thing, I'm sure you must have covered this before. How old are they? I want to say 20-23. As well as their appearence? I see Katya with mahogney hair past her shoulders, green eyes or hazel eyes. She appears to be worn out to me. I dont want to give her the cliche of being beautiful. I see her as plain but not average. She has this apperance about her that I think men find attractive. And Koyla is a dark haired light eyed, maybe light brown and full on man. With stuble along his lip and chin and a nice body yet he still seems childlike in ways. I see im once having a beautiful tone to his skin that's pale now. Also for some reason I feel Koyla's younger than Katya. Could you clear that up for me? ) thanks for updating so soon and sorry about this long review.

Oh, sorry about your brain. My random comments were about trying to guess if Katya/Nora were the same person and not being able to decide. When you mentioned Nora and the violin case, that clinched it.

Oh, are we in the church that was on your profile for a while?

When she remembered she was very pious, and not just very naughty - hehe. Although I'm suprised she's allowed out that far, glad, but suprised.

carrying his Bible and cross in each hand. - not sure about this. It sounds like he has a cross in each hand, I think.

The detail of the troublesome candle keeps it real.

They had long ago agreed... They? Alexi and the priest? or others, like his doctors?

For a priest in a gilded chapel this one seems to talk sense. Curious to know what he'd class as a perversion, but the stuff about the disease not being a part of Alexi was very sensible. (It's not your disease, loved that because it put it in perspective)

Now that I'm actually conscious, I'm going to take a serious look at your quality here.

Having said that, I feel like I'd have to be much better with prosecraft than I am to do your story any justice. Your story needs an eye with a better sense for the small nuances of fiction than I possess.

However, I have some skill with voice and phrasing, so I'll see if I can help you out in that regard, at the very least :)

Also, I noticed one thing about your story while I was thinking about it as I fell asleep last night, and I'm not sure if it's a contradiction or not: how exactly does Nikolai know so much about who Nora actually is? Because (correct me if I'm wrong) he is telling the story to Katya in Part 2, correct? Specifically, I'm speaking of Nora's last chapter (hats off to you for killing off a character, btw - hard to do).

If my suspicions are correct, I think you could fix that with a little phrase that goes something like this at the end of Part 1:

"And it was a long story, though one that ran deeper than Nikolai would ever know."

That would put the author in a better position to be omniscient, and though it eliminates the consistency that the story-telling device you have active provides, it also eliminates what can be easily interpreted as a discontinuity by the author.

Ha. There, I think I might have helped with something!

My favorite two parts of this chapter were your description of Nikolai smoking the cigarette, which was simple but did wonders for your scene and for his characterization, and then the italicized bit at the end about the soldiers in their uniforms. That was moving.

Great job Soph! You know, somehow - among all of these fiction writers I'm friends with: you, Em, Liana, and two of my IRL buddies - I'll figure out how to do this thing. I'll write more than the first two paragraphs of this novel yet!

Well, time for class. I'm looking forward to more of this!

-Patrick

Ah thank you for replying to my last review

Not every author does and it's always nice to hear from you guys beyond whatever genius it is you serve up for us avid fans of yours. ]

I love it how you don't shy away from using such descriptive language. Super effective in getting across just the right atmosphere and emotions.

Will be on the look out for what's next as always!

I just read this entire story in one sitting. I turned off my phone, locked my door, and told my roommate not to bug me, no matter how late it got.

Soph... I don't want to write my novel anymore, because there's no way I can do ANYTHING like this. This is so good. The story is so powerful, the words so eloquently phrased, and the characters so flawless. You've done excellent research, especially in the first few chapters before they left the camp. I've read A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich (sp), and your work was comparable. On so many levels, this story is excellent. I haven't been so thoroughly sucked in to a story as a reader since I read Orwell's 1984 last year. You've done such a fantastic job. I mean wow. I'm struggling for words. Look at me up here, bumbling like an idiot.

It is 3:34 A.M. I will be up at 9:00 for class. The fact that you've managed to keep me up so long speaks volumes for this story. I'll do it justice of a review of your actual writing in the very near future, but I wanted you to know exactly how in awe I am of this work. The emotions in this piece gush. You've captured a sense of hopelessness that most people can't even dream of, and then you have embedded a beautiful romance within it.

You make me feel so delightfully inadequate :) It's a tribute to the quality that this story so delightfully exemplifies. I see levels and layers and a depth of character to this story, I am also quite directly and personally touched by the simple tale on the top. I wonder how you do it... I can see all of your characters. If you ever kill Nikolai, I might never forgive you.

Now, pardon my immaturity, but I want you to understand that there's a very strong, primal, and decidedly not writer-like sensation driving this review:

Um liek OMG tHat wUZ teh moSt AWSUM stoRy evr! Liek plz UpDAte Son!

xtHewHimSicaLBarDx

:P

But seriously. I want to read more of this.