|Reviews for Snooki|
| Widow's Peak 12/9/12 . chapter 1
Hey, wow I'm sorry for using this review as a PM (Though I'll probably end up reading it, your original comics were always awesome so. writing. Probably also awesome), But I just recently went back and read a bunch of comics and...Just like everyone else wondering what happened to you?
Anywho, hope life is good. Sorry again!
| nerdy.swagger 10/31/11 . chapter 7
ugh. i just love how you write! its soo, je ne sais pa, artistic. Can't explain, just love it.
| nerdy.swagger 10/31/11 . chapter 3
i seriously love antying you write. this story is no exception.
| SJose 3/2/11 . chapter 1
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| Lillian Bell 4/3/10 . chapter 3
First off, I like how you’ve fleshed out your characters, giving them their own quirks and habits. That’s what makes your story interesting to me. I found myself smiling on a few occasions. There are a few technical things I’d like to point out, though.
You switch back and forth between past and present tense very often, particularly when your narrator is explaining things to the audience. I suggest double-checking for present tense words like ‘says,’ ‘is,’ ‘can,’ etc. after finishing each paragraph, until you can get the hang of sticking to past tense all the time.
This is a minor pick, but you might want to revise your first chapter a bit. The first three or four paragraphs serve as a large info-dump, which can turn off a lot of readers. Add some kind of hook to catch their immediate attention. There are a few more minor info-dumps every time you introduce a character and give their detailed physical descriptions and histories, but in a romance, this practice is more forgivable. ;) I would still suggest spacing character descriptions out, adding new details when the appropriate situation arises.
There are a few places where your sentence structure grows monotonous. Here’s one example: “No," I groaned. She smiled. She looked like she didn't believe me. I slapped my thigh fast and hard, and called Snooki. He tore away from Tyler and pounded after me; he hadn't seen me all day, after all.”
These sentences all start with a pronoun, which works in certain situations, but here it just feels clunky and awkward to read.
There are a few small issues with repetitive word choice, but you’ll just have to fix that up with some minor editing. Overall, it’s not a bad story, it just needs a bit of work.
Hope this helps, and keep writing! :)
| makeyourownpoison 3/25/10 . chapter 7
ha. this is brilliant, lol.
i can sort of see where this is going.
i have theories.
so, correct me if i'm wrong but -
chloe likes leroy.
leroy will get over tyler.
in the end it'll be chloe & leroy.
i don't know - i could be wrong.
but this is what i'm getting.
who knows, my guesses are almost always right.
oh, and question - how old are they?
i thought they were 16-17, but apparently lee isn't even 16 yet.
i really hope he isn't fourteen or something.
well, uh, update soon?
| SoDivine 2/22/10 . chapter 7
Nice chapter...though I don't know why exactly but I really just don't like Chloe. I seriously can't figure out why! Right now I'm rooting for Leroy to end up with Tyler...but who knows maybe on late chapter I'll warm up to Chloe..?
| annahunlimited 2/21/10 . chapter 6
ahahahahah Chloe :]
Actually this story reminds me of a really good guy friend of mine. I mean, he's pretty much like Leroy which makes me laugh.
| Joshua Stephens 2/20/10 . chapter 6
Your stories have become my guilty pleasure, you know that?
So what's the deal with Chloe? My gut tells me that she likes Leroy, from her behavior. Don't tell me we're gonna have a love triangle here?
Oh, critique, right. Um, use italics less. That's something.
| escfan 2/20/10 . chapter 6
Maybe it's just me reading into the story too much, but why do I have a feeling that at the end, after spending so much time with Chloe and Tyler, Leroy would realize that Chloe is actually the one he likes more? I don't know, it just seems there's a whole lot more Chloe than Tyler in his narration.
Or maybe I'm just insane.
The latter seems more likely. Hah.
| streetlabmix 2/17/10 . chapter 3
d'aww ending was so cute
| chewychester 2/17/10 . chapter 3
I like how he sees himself with Tyler.
| streetlabmix 2/16/10 . chapter 2
wow, you wrote that laughter sceen perfectly I was smiling away cuz I could imagin it so well.
| streetlabmix 2/16/10 . chapter 1
love it :D
It's nice reading love stories that are from a male point of view
nice humour too ;D
| annahunlimited 2/16/10 . chapter 2
ahh all sounds good so far. and chloe? hm ahahahah
as a reply to your reply: actually don't think you're being absent minded but it made me laugh, thinking Clair would go out with a guy like him.
Actually a story about Clair falling in love would be cool but you're the author so I won't be like WRITE A STORY ABOUT CLAIR OR I WILL MAKE YOU MILK A COW IN A CLOWN COSTUME! or something like that.