This is excellant description! It's very good. But, since the description is so good, I think you must be an exceptional story-writer. Continue wrtiting, in any form it will be good! Please read my story and tell me what you think!!

Abandon Poetry.

You did a pretty good job, but you should bring your thoughts together more. Try not to use too many words, you just clutter the meaning.
Don't give up, though. Poetry takes a while to get used to.

You need to pull things together a bit. Condense just a touch so that the thread you are weaving is continuous. Keep writing, this is overall quite good.

It's really good. :-) The reader can feel what you're/the speaker's feeling. The depression, the feeling of worthlessness and nothingness. (That IS what you were going for, right? I didn't just put my foot in my mouth?) It looses it's impact at certain points when you go from a more serious mood to using slang - "kinda." It makes the poem seem more casual and drift away from the general moody, glommy tone of the poem. Very good in all though. :)

I've got to ask a favor of you - can you give me an honest opinion of my poem? - "Irony"?