Good work, you can almost hear the "whoosh" of air at the end.

sinister tone that fits the idea, good work

This is quite good, love the flow (rhyme), love the meloncoly tone brought out in the thought.

Reminded me of the book The Road. It would have been a good beginning. Nice work.

It's a little bit like the start of a hero's ballad. At least, that's how I'm reading the tone.