|Reviews for The Gravitation of Us|
| Mikki 4/18/10 . chapter 1
Holy shit, this is good so far. Write more please!
| meme12 3/28/10 . chapter 1
Hi there meme12 here! Aww...so sweet... Ore what's this? (Notes the note at the end of the story)One line: "I WANNA SEE THE STORIES!" I can't wait for you to write more soon. I hope to see the updates soon!
P.S Simple and sweet are the best.
| Palm Tree 3/14/10 . chapter 1
GWAH. ;; Reading this makes me want to write a yaoi scene so badly!
But, focusing, you definitely have an interesting start here, introducing what I'll guess is essentially a "friends with benefits" sort of relationship? Poor Yuki. 8[ It's definitely interesting, and I wonder how it all works out with them being coworkers, assuming this is our starring pair.
I'll also make the guess this is so short because you want to see what reviewers say before continuing with an actual plot-type-thing. While I understand that, I do wish the chapter were longer since it's essentially just a very basic introduction. I'm left without much detail and thus very little to help distinguish Yuki and Kiyoshi from the thousands of other yaoi couples out there.
As far as suggestions go, I think you have room to describe a lot of things, such as how the two look, and the details of the bedroom they're in. For instance, a perfect time to describe Kiyoshi would be when Yuki is so fixated on him while he sleeps. And with that added description, you'll have an even fuller scene. 8]
Other than that, I would suggest finding a way to not use the characters' names so much since it got repetitive after a while. But that's about it.
Your dialogue was pretty good from what was shown here, and the whole thing had a very obvious manga feel to it. Also, I can't even tell you just how overall cute the whole scene was! X3
To throw it out there, I think it's cool your stories connect like that, and I do hope you continue with this one. -