|Reviews for she disappeared|
| simpleplan13 6/20/10 . chapter 1
I loved that first line. I just thought that personification and description was really powerful. It also really drew me into the poem and made me want to read more.
"it cries/creating holes and/an unbearable pain has been/created and eventually"... The phrasing here just sounded really awkward. First of all the repetition of create is just a bit too much. I think it's also because you change tenses from present to whatever tense has been is.
The question at the end is good. Repeating it works well and I think it's an interesting thing to make loneliness disappear almost sound negative. Definitely not what you usually read about loneliness.
PS Check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile)
| nello 3/15/10 . chapter 1
this is gorgeous.