|Reviews for Between the Darkness and the Dawn|
| LaughsWithTears 3/21/10 . chapter 2
Squeet. I love it. Can't wait for them to actually get together.
| Once Upon a Time is Forever 3/21/10 . chapter 2
Wow your 1st person writing skills did a total 180 for me in this chapter. I felt that I could relate to the characters way more and I can't wait to read more :)
| Shewriteslove 3/21/10 . chapter 2
I love it Cry!:) its amazing:D
| Deeps 3/20/10 . chapter 1
oh! a great soon please!
| LaughsWithTears 3/20/10 . chapter 1
| Once Upon a Time is Forever 3/20/10 . chapter 1
I was so glad to see that you're working on a new story :D
I like that you're trying 1st person as sometimes it can produce a much more personal story, however I think you need to work on being a little more expressive and more in depth with what the characters are thinking and doing. In 3rd person you infer a lot of emotions, but in 1st person you can come right out and say it through the person's mind. But, you also have to make sure that the main character is observing her surroundings so we know what she is seeing and what she thinks.
Since it's the first chapter I don't have much more to say other than I think this could produce a very intriguing plot and can't wait for the next update :)
| misatok123 3/18/10 . chapter 1
Aww Drake is a good boy x) haha,! is good to have you back! :D
| Sunnyboy02 3/18/10 . chapter 1
Hm interesting. I might actually like this vampire story :) All your other work is phenomenal so I am sure this will be too. Update soon.
| noriepie 3/18/10 . chapter 1
wow, interesting plot beginning. :) I like it!
But lol wouldn't she being in a vamp bar would warrant more than just hungry looks from other vampires though?
To be honest i want to give some constructive criticism. I hope that would be okay.
I felt the monologue of first person point of view fell flat and it made the dialogue bland. I mean, the whole part where he tells her to leave, she thinks he's crazy and then he asked to buy her a drink could have been executed in a more charming and funny way.
Also, he lived for more than a hundred years and the only thing he can say about her is she most beautiful woman he ever saw. Really? How come she's 35 and still single then? All the headaches and stress she had in the beginning sounded a little whiny, and his monologue got a little boring in the end. For a man who lived for more than a decade his mind did not show that, and I think part of it is the short sentence structures in the paragraph fIlled with content of useless everyday step by step action. Besides, we don't think in our head like 'I don't know why but my protective instinct came to life' just doesn't sound real.
I really hope the comments are alright, those were just my thoughts and I'm not always right, you are definitely the better writer. All in all though I do think you have a great idea for the story plot. I was gettng sick of teenage stuff, but I think you can do more :)
| pinkie509 3/18/10 . chapter 1
great story so far and I am glad that I didn't have to wait very long! so far u r doing excellent! can't wait for the next chapter.
| castiel89 3/18/10 . chapter 1
I'm hooked already! I cannot wait to read more! Emily's already stirring up something inside Drake. Interested to see what will happen!
| Shewriteslove 3/18/10 . chapter 1
Hey! How ya doing? Its amazing:) It did wort of get a tiny bit boring towards the end... sorry.:( but over all its amazing! Love ya
| tami 3/18/10 . chapter 1
Very original plot, like the fact that it is not some stereotypical crap with teenagers in it. It makes it seem more realistic.
Loved this opening chapter, you managed to introduce the main characters well without getting too into it. I also like that you switched to first person, it does make it seem more personal.
Good job and update soon!
| chng234 3/18/10 . chapter 1
i wonder when they will meet again