|Reviews for Coffee, Embrace and Another Love Story|
| Experiment101 6/14/10 . chapter 2
I really enjoyed the flow of this, and it was some what relate-able. E- From the road house.
| Dreamers-Requiem 6/14/10 . chapter 8
Interesting chapter, although I think you could have done more to show her stress about having to do all that work. Also, you could make it a little clearer about where she is; I was a little confused when you started mentioning stars and constellations, at first, I thought she was in her room doing the work, but then I didn't know if she was outside with her laptop, maybe?
| Mintiee 6/13/10 . chapter 2
a good chapter. very informative and it sets the tone up nicely for what's coming :) If anything, you use this : "..." slightly too much. Other than that, though, it was good :)
| Mintiee 6/13/10 . chapter 1
"24/6 Malabar Hills." I wheezed squeezing in my rucksack through the door of the taxi.
Should be a comma after "Hills" instead of a fullstop, and a comma after "wheezed" :)
"For me, it was now a matter of life and death…" - If you put a full stop on the end of that sentence instead of an ellipsis, it will make it sound more dramatic.
Anyway, an interesting chapter, even if I didn't understand half of the words in it :D A good prologue :)
| Piptik 6/12/10 . chapter 3
I'm really enjoying the humor in this story
A brief history of engineering in Kulkarni family: My parents. Engineers. My paternal uncles and their wives? Engineers. My maternal uncles and their wives. Engineers. My cousins, both paternal and maternal, needless to say, engineers. Their spouses, duh, engineers. T-squares and mini-drafters run in my blood!
-There are so many engineers x.o My family's like that too so I can't help but laugh!
I my parents even get a whiff of my clandestine job; they would pack me back to Pune.
-Delete the 'I' and capitalize the 'm' in 'my'
I made a face a Gaurang. He made a face back at me. This was our regular face-making contest. I would say something he would make a face at me, then he would respond, and I would make a face...Well, we could go on like this for the rest of the day.
-lol Reminds me of my little sister XD
The jeans and the ethnic kurti and the sneakers were okay, and blended into the atmosphere of the cafe like coffee beans in a devil's delight.
-In the first half of the sentence you use the phrase 'and the' twice when listing some stuff. This seems a little redundant; try replacing the first 'and the' with a comma.
-Nice metaphor, by the way
Hot looking guys who can have Miss India Pageant worthy girls (i.e. her) do not ask sneakered girls (i.e. me) to join them for coffee.
- You don't need to have the '(i.e _)'s there. The readers can be left to figure out wo your talking about, since you already described both girls wonderfully
"Nice show. Thanks." He whispered furtively. I smiled wickedly. "My pleasure!"
- Just forgot to start a new paragraph along with the new speaker
Great start to the story so far Can't wait to read more and see where this is going to go )
(Repaying a review)
| ranDUMM 6/10/10 . chapter 8
Your review for you, as promised (though it is late, sorry about that :()
This was a good chapter! She and Geet made up, yay! :D And aww at the bit with them talking about their pyjamas :) WEDDINGS yay, I love weddings :) Looks like all three of them will be at weddings this time! :D
- "Oh no no no….." There are five periods in this sentence, which is way more than enough.
- "She ignored me point blank and resumed looking up to the stars. The Orion was overhead. I looked up at the twinkling Sirius. He seemed to wink back at me. I shrugged and turned to my essay." All of the sentences here are really short and quick. They don't really flow into one another, and just seem like five random sentence next to one another. Consider meshing a few of them together.
Great chapter, keep up the great work, keep updating! :)
| blurrylights 6/9/10 . chapter 8
My family is Gujurati, so at home we speak Gujenglish (Gujurati and English). Primarily English, but mom and dad will throw a lot of Gujurati in.
Whenever I'm taking too long to do something, my mother always says "Aare, havee mujurat saru che? Karenee bapa!" (I probably spelled stuff wrong, my bad).
So that brought back funny memories. :P
| anamika 6/9/10 . chapter 8
aw... you can almost here the strains of "yeh dosti..." in the background. only things I'm a little confused about the light and dark situation (geet flicked a light on the beginning but Aprajita checked her pajamas using her cell phone light...) and article bit (did Geet read the Beat article or the govt and media paper? you aren't really clear) otherwise really cute scene...
ps the only one constellation i can see/recognize happens to be Orion as well. It's the easiest.
| C. Tattiana H-H 6/9/10 . chapter 8
...to Shukla, but I kept clutching at it, thinking some more time will enhance it.
-Edit: I think “will” should be “would”
"How rude. I had actually come- Why are you sitting in darkness?"
-Ha-ha. This line gave me a good laugh.
-Personal: Might change “in darkness” to “in the dark?”
My knowledge of the constellations was limited only to the deer-like constellation.
-Edit: Try to remove the repetition of “constellation”
Another solid chapter. Props to Avid for being an awesome beta, and major kudos to you for cranking out some good fiction.
I felt like this was kinda filler though, to be perfectly honest. Not much happening, just some observations of the stars, fixing up a paper, and a quick apology (can’t remember why she would apologize though, I’ll have to go back and read the previous chapter). Either way, your story’s as unique and interesting as always. Upload faster though, lady! I need some more romance in my life, and this woman needs it in hers too! ;)
Keep it up Pooja. Loving your work.
| esurio08 6/9/10 . chapter 2
I liked it mostly because I could relate to it (just the waiting for the results part, I like engineering :D). I liked how you described the situations because somehow, I was able to relive some moments in my academic life.
I also liked how you localized it by using foreign terms, but there were also times where I got confused because of them. It's good that you included their meanings below.
| esurio08 6/9/10 . chapter 1
There's not much to comment about. It was a very short chapter, but it made a good prologue. You left a lot for the audience to think about. Which would make readers want to read on. There's one thing I didn't like though. "His bushy eyebrows raised and a steady muttering about 'the-generation-which-is-so-gone-out-of-hand' and similar sounding stuff, he started the taxi, and joined the sea of vehicles." That line just seemed to be too long that I got a bit confused.
I'm gonna read the next chapter now :D
| Vroooommmmmm 6/9/10 . chapter 8
this is also a pretty good chapter...nice engaging dialogs as usual, nicely described, neat pace...but then when during narration or dialogs, i find ur characters stuttering...you include ... too often...avoid using so much ...
anyways nice work...
| Alice's Pendant 6/8/10 . chapter 2
I've always thought that listing in a story is a bad way to progress. And why is everyone in this first chapter stuttering? There are too many "..."s, you need to improve on your dialogue.
In addition to this, I think you should write in third person. I don't think first person works for you coz you are a narrative-based writer.
It's fine though!
Just make sure to improve the dialogue!
| seredemia 6/5/10 . chapter 7
Oh my. I can see why Apa likes Ankit. He is rather charming, isn't he? His appearance was rather short though... Oh well, not all attractive characters get to hog a whole chapter.
Anyway, short chapter, but at least Ankit was on it D
| seredemia 6/5/10 . chapter 6
Apa is a really nice character... She's just so... average and nice! I like her! You can tell that there's nothing special about her, but that doesn't stop her from trying in her life. She's so fun to read about too!
Am I the only one sensing romance between Ankit and Apa..?