|Reviews for Coffee, Embrace and Another Love Story|
| Frayling0 4/21/10 . chapter 3
Great next chapter :) I love your main character - a girl with big dreams. You go past the cliches, and make her very real. The dialogue is also very realistic, so much so I can imagine each scene played out on a tv show. Great work and characterisation :D Luke
| Spurlunk 4/20/10 . chapter 2
I do see that you put some words and their meanings at the end, but you could also put them directly in the story, or by context. Otherwise this is very well done, the voice is very well done and it seems to fit the character very well. I'll definitely keep reading!
| JMEM1 4/20/10 . chapter 5
Another great chapter! I especially liked Aparajita's thoughts when Shukla was about to tell her to write a feature for Beat, I can remember mentally b*tching at my teachers for assigning more projects on us poor students on more than one occasion. I felt for her there. :P
I noticed a couple of typos/have a couple of suggestions:
-“That man has eyes in the back of his head…the spectacles peer at the students from the top of his head like some kind of creepy extended eyes.”
– everything in between, and including, these statement is in present tense when it should be in past tense to follow the consistency past tense usage.
-“The rest of his words spinned around me…”
– “spinned” should be “spun”
-“…as I drifted of to my dreamland.”
– “of” should be “off”
-“Binata nudged me gently as the class to its feet…”
– should be “as the class got to its feet”
Also, I would maybe try to flesh out your secondary character's, like Geet and Binata. Their personalities compliment each other's and Aparajita's nicely, but I think the two need a bit more detail.
Again, great job! :)
| A Kiss in the Dreamhouse 4/20/10 . chapter 5
I absolutedly LOVED your writing in this chapter. Every sentence was delightfully funny (especially when you mention that the lecturer had just had aloo parathas...hahahaha couldnt stop laughing). And plot development too, very exciting! Aparajita is going to write for Beat! Absolutely adored your chapter!
Regarding your question. It is a very interesting thought. I believe that subconsciously that is the very reason I enjoy writing romance. I'm nearing 20 and I've never felt strongly about a real man (I've felt strongly about fictional characaters, lol). So maybe Im just writing about how I feel my romance should turn out? What about you?
| TymCon 4/18/10 . chapter 3
"Sayashing in clinging clothes and eyes behind designer glares, talons clutching mugs of coffee and a high throaty laughter, with conversations which went like", i like thatXD It describes them very well, and who dos'nt love those sortave women being described whit talons:D
"I my parents even get a whiff of my clandestine job; they would pack me back to Pune.", is that I at the start ment to be If?
I kinda like dthis chapter. I always found it a bit odd when something like that scene where she sits down to annoy the anoreixic girl. Well it was'nt to annoy, but whatevaXD It always annoyed me when it happened in books and stuff, i always found it unrealistic.
And i must admit i like how she's still working even though she dos'nt have too. I gues stuff would lose its meaning if you did'nt work for the monedy. You know?
So good job, although i'd work on a few of the sidecharacters. They seem a bit blank and one dimensional.
| weary writer 4/17/10 . chapter 2
REVIEW TIME, to the extreme.
Alright, so. I now have a good idea of your style of writing, and I am very impressed. It all flows together in a way that never makes me have to go back and read a line over (save the bits that aren't of the english language, but the reason for that is obvious.) I like how you immerse us in the rich history and culture of your character, without trying to overwhelm the reader.
Again, invoking emotions and feelings from the reader, something you do quite well. I felt...hot and claustrophobic reading about all these people cramming around the computer monitor, finding myself wondering what her score would be right alongside them.
I like the glossary at the end, by the way. Definitely helped with my lack of knowledge.
All in all, a good job. Keep it up, keep it coming.
| weary writer 4/17/10 . chapter 1
Time for another review to the extreme!
Your chapter is rather short, which is understandable, but gives me little idea of your...writing style, I suppose. I'm sure the next chapter will be longer, so I'll elaborate on this later.
You do a good job of inciting emotions within the reader, such as the sense of urgency and distress experienced by the main character.
It makes me want to read more, which I shall right now!
Keep it up, keep it coming.
| BlaznFangurl 4/17/10 . chapter 2
Well, I hate math and Physcis too, it is a poison to GPA's everywhere! Well this chapter was a bit uninteresting, not to be mean of course but the first chapter was all something bad or good may be happening in the near future and this one was kind off odd. I mean to say I know it was just like a biggining but a bit more of a humorous situation or something could add some serious kick to this chapter. Other wise it seems like, well I don't even know really, like a info drop of randomness.
| BlaznFangurl 4/17/10 . chapter 1
O.O Gwah I already love it because it is short! No I am joking, the begging sounds interesting like a sort of foreboading thing going on, if that made sense. Your writing flows as that is a key to writing so that is a number one plus and if you had any errors I wouldn't know because as you found in my story I suck at gramma -_- By the way since you were my first reviewer consider this story read and full, no paybacks needed!
Nice start and onward I go.
| JMEM1 4/16/10 . chapter 4
Again, wonderful descriptions. They seem to be your forte in writing. Your dialogue is fantastic too! Your characters personalities compliment each other nicely. Everything is very real, and again, very light-hearted and fun to read. I'm usually a tragedy reader, but this is great! I had a smile on my face the entire way through. :)
Again, all I have for critisms is to watch for tenses, and to keep it consistent. Otherwise, I have nothing to suggest! Only praise.
Keep up the wonderful work! Looking forward to the next chapter! :D
| JMEM1 4/16/10 . chapter 3
Hello again from the Roadhouse! :) I loved the light-hearted humour of this chapter, entertaining throughout! You have a really good grasp on the little details of everyday life, and your descriptions are amazing.
I really admire Aparajita for pulling off something like that, goodness knows I could never summon up that kind of courage! :P That entire section with Aparajita, the guy (forgive me if you've mentioned his name before, I just couldn't find it *blush*), and Shikha was so well written, and funny! It's always good to read the pretty-but-shallow girl getting overlooked by the guy in place of a girl with real personality. :)
One thing I noticed was an inconsistancy (sp?) with tenses. You switched between present and past tense frequently. At first it was all present tense, then it switched to past tense. Now, if that was intentional, then I have absolutely no problem with that. However, within the past-tense section I found a few present tense sentences. Here's a few:
-"That is when I picked up this job."
-"one thousand rupees per month savings goes a long way. Nearly 1/6th of the down payment, now that I think of it..."
-"Strange it may sound..."
-"Just to make one thing clear, I love the character not the actor. There is a difference the size of the English Channel between the two."
-"Well, we could go on like this for the rest of the day."
-"...perfecting the B accent I have spent the last two years enduring."
Those were the only ones that I noticed, though. :) Again, great job!
| faedaydreamer 4/15/10 . chapter 1
Great prologue. Nothing much was explained-which isn't bad at all because it gets people (including me) interested and curious as to what happens next. Do continue.
| Dreamers-Requiem 4/15/10 . chapter 4
Nice chapter - althought it didn't have too much in regards to the plot, it was good to see her interacting with her friends. It shows another side to her character which is always a good thing! And I'm starting to really like the different Hindi words and phrases. So yeah, nice work on that chapter and I look forward to the next one.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 4/15/10 . chapter 4
Okay, so I guess this chapter didn't do much for the plot. But I do like the way you did the interaction between Aparajita and her friends. But I think that for the part on the early school days, I think it will be better if you can do it via the flashback format since the whole thing would feel more personal to the readers, not only where your main character is concerned, but her friends as well. Apart from that, nothing much to say. Sorry that this review is short and out of depth. I'm having a little headache now. x.x
P.S: Pay back the two reviews via The Eternal Grail. I've checked and you stopped at chapter 3. :)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 4/15/10 . chapter 3
Herro there from the Roadhouse. Sorry for not reviewing for N ages. Got outstanding reviews to do plus a lot of random stuff especially job hunting. :S Okay, basically this chapter's pretty well done here. Anyway, it's interesting to see your main character's life via part time job. But I feel that maybe you could input some drama in this chapter like having a difficult customer and how your main character would cope with him/her. Another thing I would suggest here is to play up the scenario between Aparajita and that guy. Try to flesh out the dialogue and play up the drama. That's what I can suggest here. Apart from that, nothing much to say here. Onto the next chapter. :)