It's been a long time reading this. Before I get onto the review I'm aware your profile page said you'd be on an on-off hiatus until april 2011. I'll be mindful of that. Now onto the actual review:

It was great getting back to this. Normally I'm alright with stories that have a 'chatty' feel to but I've been enjoying this story so far. One of your strengths I believe is that you can really feel the warmth and character of the main character. I know it's a first person story but feels like she really is telling a story. Good work as always and when you're back to fictionpress on a regular basis don't forget to review Varadon. Will be returned when that day comes

-Allegro Rao via the Roadhouse

Love the character's joy in this chapter. Makes me feel warm inside :) although for a criticism the beginning part did seem a wee bit hard for me to believe though I can forgive that.

On the whole good chapter and shall stay tuned for more.

Also: Don't take this the wrong way and excuse my forgetfulness (I'm sure you've indicated this somewhere before) But are you a guy or a girl? Sorry for asking if you don't want to answer.

-Abhi from the roadhouse

A lot of this is starting to feel a little bit too much like a filler - this chapter just seemed a bit too jumpy, and personally, I didn't see how much of it actually aids the plot, with the exception of the ending.

[The same wide brow, the tousled locks, those enchanting orbs…AH!]

I'd suggest you cut out the 'AH'. It's too comic booky, and doesn't really seem to fit in. If you just leave it at ... I think it would make a bit better.

["That is exactly what I can ask you!"] sounds a bit odd. I can't put my finger on why but maybe try "That's exactly what I should be asking you" maybe?

Other than that, as always I enjoy your style and you have some nice descriptions in here, although I think you need to make the timeframe a bit clearer as there are certain points where she seems to jump from one thing to another.

Likewise sorry for the delay man. Been a while.

Chaoter felt a little shorter than usual. Didn't really have much to evaluate it on but I will say I'm continuing to enjoy the life of your protagonist. It's good stuff and is always full of culture. Definately feels like India.

Will check back soon. Don't forget to check out Varadon or anything else on my page for that matter. I shall endevour to check back asap.

-Abhi Via the Roadhouse

'Gror…'

- Im not quite sure what that sounds like... It sounds like an ogre... which makes sense since people to tend to sound like that when they snore... Well, at least my dad does.

HAHA! I loved the bit where she poured water down his face. That was cruel! Not the best thing to wake up to, I must admit. Ajay is funny too! He's adorable :3

Loved the cliffhanger at the end too. Anyway, great chapter as always!

RH

I liked that you have Indian culture in this story. I personally am not Indian, but I have a lot of friends who are, or are from similar cultures where they feel great pressure from their parents. This makes the main character very relatable, which is going to do wonders for your story. With all of the reviews you have, I am assuming it already has. Anyways, I also really liked the Hindi phrases that you added in to the story, it adds some meat and personality to your story, which is awesome.

A few technical things I didn’t like: One thing I have to point out, I don’t like how you use ellipsis. Personally I think a lot of the times you use them they are unnecessary, and could be replaced with different dialog tags instead Also, a few of your sentences were a bit too long, with too many commas, and it just kind of messed with the flow of your story. Just minor things, though!

Good job!

Returned Review from The Roadhouse! :)

This is a great story. It's vibrant and full of culture and really feels like the reader is in India. On a side note forgive me for being forgetful but I didnt the realise the protagonist was a female. Seemed like the main character was a guy in the last chapter but that's cool. We need more femal protagonist's out there!

All in all great little peace you have here and look forward to more.

-Allegro Rao from the Roadhouse

aree yaar! tu diwali ke baad update karne wali hai? update soon :)

Pf you have 'nothing going on right now' eh? As soon as you say that I see and update in my inbox.

O a lovely cliff hanger! You have to update soon!

"Back to Earth from Rasgulla planet." : Haha, the line describes half my life.

I just keep needing more and more of this story. It's too damn good.

Even though I liked the prologue I still wasn't sure what to make of the first chapter proper but I actually quite enjoyed. I'm not so much of a stranger to some of the content here as I myself am Indian though by comparison my parents are rather leniant. I enjoyed this chapter a lot and it seemed to read well. There was a good balance of description and development which I liked.

I liked what I saw and will continue to read on. In the mean time I'll return any reviews for Varadon which you can give as soon as possible.

-Abhi from the Roadhouse

Good chapter - it was really entertaining while showing the different characters in the family and revealing more of the relationships they have with each other. I do think though, if you come to edit this, you should maybe add a bit more description to the sari shop or the saris themselves? You could maybe play around with the words to see if you can make the reader see how boring the actual shopping is, rather than it being explicitly stated?

Anyways, good job as always and I look forward to chapter 12!

I haven't got much to go on as that was just the prologue but it carried enough interest for me to check out the first chapter proper. Nevertheless I still think the prologue was well done and will look into the series soon. Good work and keep it up.

PS; Any reviews for Varadon, Sekai or Omura would be appreciated and returned as soon as possible (Though if anyone checks out Sekai be warned- it's the oldest thing I have on this site and those first few chapters aren't well written at all. Hence why I posted rewrites of those chapters )

-Abhi from the Roadhouse

Another interesting chapter. Though content is generally good, I can't say I like the way the story is written. It's nothing wrong on your part, it's just a preference thing. When reading, I like stuff that flows and that I can get lost in, which I can't really do with your story because of all the foreign words and phrases that I don't understand I spend so much time looking up what stuff means that I completely lose track of what I'm reading.

But I did like the whole scene of Aparajita coming home on the train. It had a nice home-coming feel to it :)

One typo I spotted: "Ahh& I know" - the "&" shouldn't be there

-M.

Review repay :) Sorry it took so long :/

Anyway, this was a pretty interesting chapter. Could totally relate to the beginning I freak out like that before exams and coffee is my saviour. Loved the description of it as black poison in the bloodstream.

Great work!

-M.

oui, an engineer. If I haven't heard that a million times too...wish I knew Sanskrit. anyway what is with the engineer thing? Can't we follow our passions instead of what we're just good at and like? Well at least I guess even if I choose engineer its not what all my family does (UPS man and the Church cleaning lady is my family)

Guess that's part of this story though, so I'll wait to see how it turns out here.

and It comes in the same chapter, she gets to shoot for the stars, that's awesome.

this with the prologue's taste has me wondering what happens next