okay, this is weird. I was re-reading chapter 24 at school, and Adano was howling because he was sad and i almost started crying...:o

I'm kind of happy that Rakill apologized, but I'll be even happier when she apologizes to Echo.

Can't wait for the next chapter

hey jao, its been a lonf time Y U NO WRITE

havnt read in a long time DO YOU EVEN PLAY RUNESCAPE ANYMORE!

shit im compromised please be on june 30th 1:00 pm est varock bank world 13

i finaly finished reading its been a long time... nearly a year has passed since i have last contacted you (i think) im using this profile now... well long story. imagery is thought or thought is imagery.. tell me if you can figure out what the hell my friend Grey meant when he said those last words... his last words. were being killed off, were gaurding your soul more than ever now.

- sain

Woot loved it

She was dressed in simple buckskin cloths. Her pale skin shone silver in the moonlight; it was midnight

they all treated me like Rakill did for just avoided me

every time I tied I was just yelled at

I began to walk casualty

You need to pay more attention when you edit for post. In these examples, there are simple errors you should have caught when you read this over: Cloths are not clothes, sentences end with a period, tied is not the pp of try, casualty does not mean in a relaxed manner. There are also many run-on sentences and erratic editing.

One of the most useful skills an author can develop is the ability to step back from her stroy and read it as if it had been written by a stranger, as if she were reading the story for the very first time. Forget about what you know about the plot and the characters. Focus on what you actually have written. Is it what you wanted to say? Or does it need tweaking? Proofreading needs time and attention; don't rush it.

0_o Whoa. More epicness. I'm still comtemplating exaclty what just happened.

The story is excellent, as always, but there were a couple of mistakes.

First and foremost is the descriptions. Echo has been pretty much sheltered all her life, and a lot of this is new to her. You are trying to get this across with the way you describe things, it seems, but the desired effect isn't the actual effect. It can get pretty repetitive. You are constantly doing an indirect way of describing: I tried a piece of some type of fruit that was green on the outside and pink on the inside that were si juicy I had to wide it from my mouth with my hand, but it was the best fruit I had ever tasted. When I asked what it was called, Kardo's father told me that it was called a Jamonas.

Here, I am still left with confusion. What is it? It sounds like a watermelon, but I'm not sure. Those are the kind of thoughts running through my head. I don't know if you recognized that, but it got extremely confusing.

Secondly, your dialogue can get a little awkward. Just loosen up and relax. Don't focus in on what is being said. Let it just flow out of you. It sounds much more realistic that way.

Occasionally, I feel a but rushed. Just relax again.

My ultimate advice is to relax a git.

That was me being nit picky, Don't forget that I'm in love with this story!

LilyDooley

I stayed up until 1am last night to finish reading this story.

Yes, that is how epic it is.

Write more or I will hurt you.

P

This is an interesting chapter. Good, as usual. I'm fascinated and waiting to see how it ties in with the rest of the story! It seems really good!

OK... i wasn't hacked... but still...! I'm back

... my F.P account has been hacked interesting. I'm back

What's with her dreams? They're always important...

This was a pretty good chapter, but I have a few issues. The abrupt change of Echo's treatment is a little strange, and the answer you provided is a little strange as well. I am hesitant to believe that all of the sudden, these people will treat Echo differently, almost like a queen. I was just wondering, and it may come up later in the story.

Just a cursory glance made me think that this was pretty well written. A few things are worded strangely, but that can be fixed. No major issues!

Keep it up!

Lily