|Reviews for Afghanistan, Washington|
| Louis Denair 4/22/10 . chapter 1
Good story. Simple, but engaging, almost Hemingwayan, though perhaps a little too obvious and not as symbolic. I wish there were more details. When Baker looks out through the window there's hardly any description whatsoever (just bonfires and waves and those so potentially symbolic that it's a pity you didn't fully develop it). They are homosexuals, hiding in the dark and enclosed. The ostracizing pressure of the outward world should be emphasized, methinks. Interesting twist with Afghanistan. And it's obvious you invested some thought in the character background- opulent and eliciting sympathy as they do. Good one-shot, a little undeveloped for my taste, but impressive nevertheless with that Hemingwayan simplicity of style etc.
| 123465 4/9/10 . chapter 1
Im not your target audience but I surprised myself by enjoying it (I don't enjoy much outside fantasy)
I just have one thing but the rest was really good writing the dialogue was believable and the characters were pretty real.
The one thing - I may be reading it wrong, but the way you wrote out their interaction between each other seemed more like an old married couple. If they are meant to be homosexuals then ok makes sence, but you may want to tone back the sensuality. If they are meant to be gay then forget my comment cause their wasn't a problem in the writing whatsoever.
Hope you found this constructive :)