| Reviews for Ripe Little Rabbit: Daughter of Lilith |
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lili999 6/2/10 . chapter 1Discount Nike Shox Turbo Suppliers () Discount Nike Shox Classic Shoes Suppliers ( ) Discount Nike Shox Dendara Trainer () Discount Nike Air Jordan 1 Seller ( ) Discount Nike Air Jordan 2 Shoes Seller () Discount Nike Air Jordan 3 Collection ( ) Discount Nike Air Jordan 4 Shoes Collection |
simpleplan13 5/16/10 . chapter 2"Honey, you'll wake to find her/crumpled side of the bed, empty-".. the line break here seemed awkward. I had to read it a few times before I understood that her didn't mean her it was part of the phrase on the next line. I did like the piece. I think it connects well to the other chapter, which is nice. I also think your descriptions are really great, especially in the second and third stanza. The first stanza was a tad cliched so I might work on that a bit more, but the rest of it was great! PS Check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (links in my profile) |
simpleplan13 5/16/10 . chapter 1I like the a/n because I don't know anything about Lilith at all and it helped me understand where the piece was coming from. Anyway, I like the piece. I think your descriptions are great and your word choices are good, especially in the second line. The only thing is the fourth line is a bit cliched with tempt and lustful intentions as describing Eve. I did love that last line though. It added a totally new level to the piece. PS Check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (links in my profile) |
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell 4/20/10 . chapter 2Great! |
Phoebe Melinda Halliwell 4/20/10 . chapter 1Great! |
x account closed x 4/17/10 . chapter 2first off- the title of this! oh! i so appreciate the fact you did "sweet kisses/laced ". i cringe to think how many people would rely on the old cliche of "poison kis!" how you contrasted the two and _then_ wove them was just one more small detail that made this astounding. the play with Honey as a petname instead of literally was unexpected but a delight of sorts :) the entire last stanza... surely you know without me saying how bril that is? |
x account closed x 4/17/10 . chapter 1this is such an interesting concept! that the daughter of lilth escaped from her womb as a snake, thus tricking even god... just- wow. the alliteration in the first two lines is nice on the tongue :) also- the short line style made it reminiscent of a haiku which worked well with it's abstract type message/words. beautiful as always! |