You're a brilliant writer. Seriously. Keep writing! There were a few grammar errors but nothing major :) great story!

Aw! That was amazing! LOVE IT!

Gaw This was adorable as well. :D

Dev and Bea are so cute. Lookie their nicknames both have three letters in them! x3

One of my favorite short stories. I love this - I really do. :)

Dev is such a drama queen XD Nah... only a little I guess. Those two are a really cute couple. I wish I could have a relationship like that _ where the little touches mean a lot.

The ending also got a small chuckle out of me.

I just wanted to say that I loved this story. It was so cute and fluffy, and very well written. Looking forward to reading more of your work!

This story is definately promising, even though the main idea is cliché (but I think you know that, and when a writer knows they're writing a cliché, it makes it more interesting, because they can write around it).

Anyway, I'm not sure I'm making sense right now, but I just wanted to say that I love your story. Your characters are great (although I pity poor Devereaux... that's not a very nice name, really) and I can't wait to see what's going to happen between Dev and Bea. Thanks for sharing this with us!

I would love to read more!

This is really good so far. Your characters are rounded and pretty interesting. But there were a few things that I think would help make this better.

At one point you spelled "couch" as "coach" and I think I caught a few other spelling mistakes (not many) but I can't remember them now.

And also you might want to have an American friend read this over for you. Because you're slipping English colloquialisms into the dialogue of the American characters. It's nothing bad, but I realized it and thought I'd mention it.

You might want to think of separating this chapter into two or maybe even three chapters. I mean there's nothing wrong with long chapters it's just that 5k words is a bit daunting as an introduction.

And finally, there's a bit too much detail. The plot you have, though cliche (which is not a bad thing 'cause I do love a good cliche) is different. Like, I'm not sure how to explain it, but I like it. :) But you have so much detail that it's kind of bogging the story down. You might want to work on making it a bit lighter or displacing the details into other sections. I know the point of writing is to try and paint a picture, but it's ok to be vague sometimes. Let the reader paint their own picture with your words. (I hope that made sense lol.)

Best of luck with the rest of your writing.

And I really can't wait to see where this is going (Oh, the suspense of cliffhangers .)

Update soon!

Maggie