|Reviews for Permafrost|
| fictionalboyfriend 6/15/10 . chapter 5
The teenage boys have nothing to complain about. Man alive, James Cameron will be so jealous. Sorry, I don't have anything more intelligent to say. I had to analyze and connect three sources in an essay this morning, and my thought circuits are still a little fried. Suffice it to say that, sparkling social commentary or not, this was incredibly enjoyable and I think it definitely said what you wanted it to.
| Tawny Owl 5/10/10 . chapter 5
Perfect ending. ‘nuff said: I don’t want to ruin it by thinking too hard.
| Tawny Owl 5/10/10 . chapter 4
I think there’s scope here to feed us more about the tent. The taste/warmth of the soup, the smell of the fire, the noises from inside and out. Just to round it off a bit more. You described the berries earlier really well. So just snippets like that, maybe.
And also how they’re sitting, or something. They feel like they’re detached a bit.
The weather comment was brilliant. Such a great way of conveying the sentiment. And cloudy with a chance or raids? Masterfully done. I had to check to make sure it was raids, but that was me just being dumb. Brilliant. Really.
He makes maps? I wanted to squeal and do a victory dance. Mostly because it means we’re learning who he was before he became howl, but mostly because until he said I have been so absorbed in what was going on now that I didn’t realise how much I wanted to know.
I liked the physical description of Howl being dragged away. It needed some emotional accompaniment though.
Yay, susurrus. I love that word. It’s really not used enough.
Maps tell you what there is to own. Fantastic. And what a way to reach the climax. So sudden and random. Brilliant.
‘No. I’m really not.’ It’s taking all my strength not to applaud right now. I’m holding back though because I think people might stare.
Am I? Hah. That’s exactly the sort of question a goddess would ask.
Love the way Io talks – so different to the rest of them, which feels right. And she’s completely quirky. And a bit more modern almost.
| Tawny Owl 5/10/10 . chapter 3
Back to the rhythmic italics. I missed the routine of them.
Crooknose was well played too. I knew it was too good to be true, but didn’t really want to.
I did like the idea of the photographic snap – but it sounded a bit modern and out of place. Same with the sandblasted further down. Although the poor guy is drugged out of his head.
His nose goes blind – loved it. Actually loved that whole sequence. The way it was like relentless looniness but still made sense.
Oh, Io, now I have chills. And that was a really clever way of conveying what Crooknose had been through, not just to Howl, but getting me to really think about it too.
Liking the feeling better. Or less bad. It’s all about perspective.
I like Crooknose. You have to admire a woman with the conviction to bite the tip of her own finger like that. Strangely. And Howl too. He has a sense of humour in their somewhere. Some of his observations make me smile, albeit a bit sadly. It’s a pleasure to read something on here that makes both sides of a conflict so easy to identify with.
| Tawny Owl 5/10/10 . chapter 2
How did you manage to tell me everything that was going on in that tent, in four paragraphs, with out it sounding like an info dump? I never once felt the need to jump ahead (and I am very impatient). Nice one. And the ending with the wave and the screaming was good. It jolted the action back, and gave me a sympathetic view of Howl as well. Sounds like a big tent though. Or is it more crowded than I think?
This is not a familiar game – lovely.
Crooknose is …. I can’t think. Well done, without sounding patronising. The right mix of me finding her unlikable, but being able to understand why. Does that make sense?
Is handywork two words or handiwork? That might be a lost in translation thing though.
And I’m enjoying Smoke. What’s he look like? Apart from being big? Sound like? Strange I’m not fussed by what Howl looks like – but we’re in his head so I feel like I know him better so it’s not so important. I like we don’t know his real name either. Nice touch.
Broken or bruised, or bloody or thawing. Liking that.
I liked the comment about kicking as well. Although then the ‘prodding with the toe’ kind of contradicts it.
‘not with my just hands’ you’ve got just in the wrong place.
The way you describe the other language is good too. I might start taking notes if that’s ok?
Lights up with hurt like a solstice candle – great description, and a great way to hint at his home.
I’m loving this, seriously. And the way you are dealing with the issues. It make sit really human.
| Tawny Owl 5/10/10 . chapter 1
This is going to sound weird, but it wasn’t your first line that hooked me – it was your author’s note. The first line was kind of…normal, despite the evocative image that followed it, and the way when I got to the man it all came together. I liked the ideas about forgiveness though, and it made me want to see how they manifested.
Yes, when I get further down I really like how the crunch turns to drag and gasp.
And wonderful detail – like the pause before the pain. Really, though? Who’d have thought frozen grass would be so deadly. And under snow that I was thinking of as being really deep. I’m prepared to believe you though. I would have thought taking his boots and socks off would have hurt more too. That he’d have to prepare himself for it more, or something. Admittedly I’m not sure, but it feels like there’s bits missing.
But there is also thirst – love it, love it. The thought and the way you validate it.
The hand behind the knife is rough, but it rests softly against his cheek – is it the hand or the knife resting softly? You might want to clarify it’s the knife. Or am I being picky?
Really enjoyed the dialogue too. And the rhetoric driving it. Lots of questions but I don’t feel lacking because they aren’t answered.
Great detail too. I think you could expand on bits though. Like how he says ‘You got a name?’ and the ‘But you didn’t stab me either?’ is he still tired or getting curious? Afraid given that he knows that it’s his last chance to keep himself whole. There were moments when I didn’t feel as involved in the action as I could have been.
Urm, have you read any Joe Abercrombie lately?
| CEE2027 4/23/10 . chapter 3
Wonderfully written. This story conjured very powerful images for the reader. Looking forward to more!
| Scary Mike 4/21/10 . chapter 1
Wow, really not alot to say. It's great. The imagery is so intense it made me personally look for meaning where there really wasn't any. If you can make someone read your story you're doing something right, if you can cause your reader to waste their time looking for the significance of powder you've got it down pat.