|Reviews for Elden Viali and the Curse of the Crafters|
| Kajskk 8/26/12 . chapter 2
A prologue. How wonderful, and after the "note" chapter I didn't quite expect it. But did I like it? Yes I did, what a silly question.
I rather prefer this introduction of the story to the previous one, if my memory serves... While this event was sort of vaguely mentioned it was never really talked about. So I've always wondered about it. Why, or rather, what did actually happen that made Elden so afraid of her own... animus? Damn, can't remember what they were called.
Anyway. quite nice to actually read about Leander, as briefly as it was. She was one person often talked about and mentioned with high praise but never properly introduced.
So over all. I do really like this intro. It's short, it's intense and a lot is happening in the very short space of time. I like it a lot. The dark clothed man I can only guess to be that man who's after her powers because of her mother. I can't remember his name either. But you get what I mean. The words he spoke were incredibly dark, and I didn't quite understand the full purpose of them if he's after Elden's powers. But I suppose it will remain to be seen (no I don't speak latin, i had google translate to help me)
So yeah. Very interesting. I won't lie when I say that I can't wait to see what this "renovated" version will give us. It's almost like getting to know everyone yet again, but kinda know some of the milestones of the story.
| Kajskk 8/26/12 . chapter 1
Hello there Adrian,
I sincerely hope you will continue with this story. It's a god plot to it, though some of the characters did seem a bit forgotten along the way, along with some issues. I think that some parts of it was running a bit too fast pace-wise while others seemed to fall behind. With that said. I still think it was a really intriguing story and I will certainly keep my eyes out for new updates.
| sparkyzebo 8/19/12 . chapter 2
Interesting new start. It feels like your starting this when she was younger though. Are you?
| Apocalyptic-Wasp 8/18/12 . chapter 2
I favourited this awhile ago, but I honestly don't remember much about the original. This is the new foreword though, right? It sounds pretty good. :)
| Skylar Youth 6/25/12 . chapter 4
You have here, a very interesting original story. There have been quite a few concepts based around magic & boarding schools ever since Harry Potter came out, but I must say this is one of the most engaging I've found. You don't rely heavily on info-dumping (which is an error some authors stumble over when trying to describe their world) you give us this information through describing the world Elden lives in and the places/people she goes to/meets. I like her voice, the way its both confident and meek, curious and irritated like a living person so major props for that! I also like the hints at her & Mrs. Christiansen, the concept of some deeper link between the pair, as well as the "fated" interaction between Elden & Austen. It leaves plenty of questions to mind.
I also like how each minor character has a personality. Most authors fall into stereotypes, but you've managed to make them both engaging & helpful to the plot & mcs. Particularly the teachers who appear to know morea about Elden's mother. Why is she so powerful? What happened during high school? What happened between Elden & Austen's parents? And who is this Fakas Black? Its all very mysterious and yet informative at the same time, making quite a brilliant balance. I hope you return to this story soon so I and the rest of your followers/fans can find out more about this world you've created.
| KM Rune 3/31/12 . chapter 4
| FantasyReader 1/17/12 . chapter 5
This is an awesome story! I can't even believe I haven't read this before. I can wait for your next update, and please let there be an update!
| Kajskk 12/1/11 . chapter 7
While I really love the story you have going on here, with how everything is a mystery and how we're more or less kept as much as Elden in the dark regarding what will happen. I still have this feeling, and even more so, that the story is rushed. The chapter doesn't even reach 4000 words, and still so much is happening. I suppose it's your writing style but I'd still think it would do good to slow it down. Include some more events than just Andrea, Elden and the headmistress. I mean what happened to the other students, to Austen who seemed to have a greater role in the start of the story. And so on. I also think that while you describe the events excellently that it wouldn't hurt with more beyond that.
Another thing I noticed but now mainly seemed to be fixed is that instead of having the small ' sign for "it's" "i'm" "they're" and so on you had this odd thing, like a small T. Like this: т
As can still be found in this sentence for example:
"Thatт s it?" I asked, incredulously, my voice almost frantic.
Apart from that I can't wait to see what will happen and who and what this Oracle will do. So keep the good story up!
| rsDragon 11/30/11 . chapter 7
I found it odd how you had other characters introduced in the chapters before, but now they are no where to be found. I thought you were going to do something with Elden's roommate, it feels like they got lost in the plot.
| rsDragon 11/28/11 . chapter 4
The animus and soul reminds me of His dark materials trilogy. Cool story so far :)
| earthserpent 11/27/11 . chapter 7
nice keep going.
| ReadnotWrite 11/27/11 . chapter 7
Read it and of course loved it. Keep up the good work!
| Twelfth Night 10/9/11 . chapter 4
But then a though occurred to me
Missing the 't' in thought.
I like her head for action. There's no fun in a character who doesn't do anything.
Sidenote: How do you feel about me writing a sort of spinoff on this. I'll send you the draft in about a week if you don't mind. I know we were supposed to do a collaboration on this and I completely slacked off (like I always tend to do). But you've got me so interested in this universe that it's moving me to write something. That's something, Adrian, since I've been plagued by some serious writer's block lately.
This plot' s getting thick. XD
| Twelfth Night 10/9/11 . chapter 3
"I made promised that can't be broken."
I made a promise' instead.
My only problem with this is that their might be too much focus on Elden. This is her story, I understand, she's important. That's good, but maybe it would've been better if she'd been more of a sidenote rather than the Big Topic.
Also, here's a fun tip: Not all characters-non-extras especially-should really have a *strong* opinion of the main character. A few will love him/her, some will hate 'em', but also, there'll be those who really couldn't care less. You haven't done that, far as I can see, but making Elden too central to too many things is dangerous.
Outside of that, I really like where this is going. And sexy headmistress made me fan himself. X) You appeal to the lesbian inside me, Adrian, and that's a powerful thing. Unless, of course, I'm bisexual and just don't know it yet.
| Twelfth Night 10/9/11 . chapter 2
Gotta love the popup window in FP. Way easier to comment here than on LJ...*ahem* Sorry.
"In my office on the first day hasn t happened in quite a few years,"
I think 'and' would be better than 'on' here. Plus, there's a missing apostrophe. Also, I think it should be pointed out that it's so cool that pretty much your only problem here is grammar. That's easily fixed by a beta-reader/editor, way easier than a style error.
Keep up the good work. XD
I 3 the headmistress's image.
"I was captivated by her cleavage." That made me smile, lol. Although her reaction to their talking (i.e keeping them together) is the opposite of what I'd expect, this is a magical world, so yeah. Different behavior and this is within the suspension of belief. (Hope I used to phrase correctly).
Second letter's in caps.
I can t
Okay, I'm thinking that whatever you used to write this, doesn't like apostrophes cause this is too widespread.
Yay! You used the rankings! X)
And the plot thickens. Your writing keeps getting better and better, Adrian.