"Maybe if you stopped answering your own questions, you could get your facts strait." Aria interjected pointedly. The twins looked at her and responded simultaneously.

*straight

it's fine otherwise :)

I'm a fan already. Apart from the fact that Aria seems just a little too okay with all the weird stuff, the characters are very real, and the plot seems good.

Can't wait to read the next chapter!

This is a great read! Your descriptions of people and places are crystal clear; not too sparse, not too flowery. That's a real accomplishment. The concept of a regular girl working in a restaurant with vampires is great, with lots of potential for fun and drama. I'm subscribing so I can keep tabs on what happens next!

I will say that, for a highly dramatic and interesting situation, Aria seems very casual about what's happening to her in Chapter Two. The dialogue is light and bantering, just like it was with her group of friends in Chapter One. It's a big deal that she's been kidnapped and unconscious for two days with a bunch of mysterious, beautiful strangers. I think there's room for the stakes to be a little higher for her; even though she's a 'realist,' it would drive the story that much more if she were bringing some stronger emotions to the table.

One nit-picky note; several times, you write "breath" (noun) when I think you mean "breathe" (verb), as in "I heard it was because she forgot to *breathe*!"

Anyway, these three chapters are excellent work, and I'm eager to see where the story goes from here. Update away!

Thanks,

-Ben

Those were several good updates. They were well written, I didn't encounter any spelling or grammar errors. It was amusing to see Lucian in her classes now, and his reaction to trigonometry is hilarious. And Jason is trying to solve Aria's riddle, it will be interesting to see how that turns out. Keep up the good writing, I look forward to reading what happens next.

lol

the last bit; Lucian just got owned by Aria :')

I love the story so far; it is the definition of EPIC :D

the story line is a new take on it; refreshing to the twilight spin offs.

Lucian; i didnt like him at first but i'm kinda warming up to him. still, i can see the playboy within him coming out at annoying times in the future. he would get owned in our school though - we are over run with chavs -_-*

Aria; is cool :D i think that any normal person today that gets kidnapped by vamps would probably just be like "ok, so... have you got the Cullens' home no?" it would be rather funny lol XD

Aria's pals: Funny, is John used to getting all the attention? like when they went to the restorant i remember the line "John was annoyed that they had forgotten him so quickly". moving on; Elise - omg, i love her XD she is deffo the gossip girl XD she is epic :D

the rest of the vamps: nice enough, the little kid is funny :) and the cross dresser made me lol X'D

the restoraunt cook (sorry, cant remember his name ;) - he's cool... it seems that he is sealed to some doom... i dont know why... or is he intimedated..? it'd be nice to hear some background on him :)

anyho,

cant wait for the next bit, and i cant wait to see how Aria and Lucian get on in the future ;) ;) and i'm getting into the guessing game with Errol too! XD

ACM x

aw eric is so nice :)i see potential there.

and lucian is so funny lol hitting on all the girls. ha ha i liked how he shared some of himself with aria at the end of this chapter.

I really love, love, love this. I like the dialogue and especially the description of the character at the beggining. This sounds very interesting, so keep up the good work!

C. So

Ah, I loved their little squabble at the end. Initially when I first read this story, a part of me was a little horrified because I thought it'll come out all Twilight-ish with perfection, beauty and grace for your male protagonist and an insecure, weak and blundering female lead...But I read on and I was thrilled to see how realistic your writing sounded to me - Aria is strong and has guts, and Lucian, despite his flawless beauty has his own quirks - especially when it came to the trigonometry part. I simply adored the conversations you made between Aria and all her surrounding characters - oh! And I LOVE the twins! Can't wait to see more of them. :)

Jo

Hey :) Im really enjoying your story. I can admit I did get a little confused in the beginning with the characters, but Im good now. Can't wait for more.

P.S. don't you hate when people read and then don't review? its so frustrating.

This is an interesting story, how you combine food and vampires. It's cool and unique, I'm intrigued to see where you are going to go with this story. Keep up the great writing.

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We're beginning to get some answers over here, so I'm happy to see that! I like the development of the character Lucian and the garlic powder ordeal.

I made the mistake of thinking one twin was a girl and one was a guy! They're two boys! That was my fault, for being unobservant again.

Anyhow, I liked the chapter so you should definitly update soon!

aivia

Maybe they're just foreigners? Really? Why isn't she demanding an explanation for this! Grr! She knew what she saw!

Anyhow, I liked this chapter as well, especially because there was a list of characters in your note at the very beginning. It helped me a lot, actually.

I'm going to read the last chapter you have, so update soon, okay? I'm reading!

aivia

Okay, another good chapter, but I did see some things that are worth mention. Yes, I plan on critiquing a little with every reveiw. It makes us healthy, improveing writers, no? I do love a little critique myself, you know.

I'm a little concerned for Aria's ability to sense danger. She seems to be rolling with this a little too easily. Isn't she concerned at all about what happened to that girl? How about what's going to happen to her? Wouldn't YOU just start asking ten-billion questions? She's too unconcerned... I think she could have put on a tough facade, but perhaps you could have had her paniking on the inside. That would have been interesting to read! Her plotting, perhaps, how to escape or get answers?

Um... there's a lot of characters. Perhaps now is time to compile a list of them and put them on your profile? I'm having a difficult time keeping track... Just a suggestion. I know I'm going to have to do that for my story: Too many werewolves.

And that word... sardonically? I need to use that sometime, whatever it means. It sounds useful. :D

Anyhow, I'm moving onto the next chapter. Cheers to another success in my books!

aivia

This story has great potential!

I always loved vampires, but never understood why nobody wrote more original stuff about them (personally, I rather write about werewolves, and that's what my new story is about!).I think this would have more reveiws if you hadn't posted five chapters in one day! It's just that everybody reads only one chapter when they have time... like me... only, I don't even have time to be doing this right now. I'll have to come back to chatper two later.

Once again, neat concept! Can I mention I like the line "like a giant frothing wave" and the name Lucian? Spontaneous favorites.

And, most of all, thank you for pointing out that Global Warming is bull!

For that, I want you to update all the sooner!

aivia