|Reviews for Furious Angels|
| dx713 5/23/10 . chapter 10
I'm going to be harsh, but once again, all I see is your characters goofing around with no interaction with the outside world.
While I appreciate you giving us some background, I need more to keep me interested in your characters, else it's just you boasting on how cool they are.
And I don't count the girls as outside world. Before you've establish there's some special effect on being faery, or given them some lines, there's just prop. As some assassin past is just cool unrelated background if it doesn't create any problems (what with having killed people, or with the justice?)
Once again, you've got some interestingly kinky characters, but damnit, gimme some plot!
| dx713 5/23/10 . chapter 8
Nine chapters at once ! That's something to review, so I'll try to make it quick.
First, I've read them all, so I suppose that means that despite the criticism below, you've got me hooked, at least for now. Now, for the hard part:
1 - I've had a hard time tracking all the characters. Too many of them from the start, with each one having a name, a surname, and a nickname... I've nearly had to write me character sheets! Maybe it's a side effect of posting 9 chapters at once, too, but a longer introduction before we jump in the fray, like having each couple of character preparing at home, would help establish them beforehand.
2 - The scene with the gun goes against all I was expecting of trained professionals. In the real world, if you're serious with guns, you never point them toward someone you don't expect to kill, much less pull the trigger, even if you're the best shot in the world! Maybe this is something faeries don't care about, but establishing it more clearly would have been nice.
3 - Where's the plot? The part with the young humans and the humans / faerie interaction was nice, but seems over now. You've got nice funny characters, but showing them goofing around can only get you so far. You need to establish a conflict, to make me worry for them, if you want me to follow you further. Just watching them goof around is not going to keep me hooked.
| dennes the eggplant 5/22/10 . chapter 2
Your story has a nice concept with a professional introduction. The only problems I had with the story was that some of your characters seemed a bit childish and none of them had physical descriptions that defined them, like, “he had a strong stern face,” or “ she was tall and slender with blue eyes and brown hair.”
In your prolog take out any sentences regarding the mission and ad them to the end to prevent side tracking the audience; if you even need to keep that part at all. The seen in the Middle East looks like its only job is to introduce the characters, which you could scrap and just add on to the beginning of the first chapter.