| Reviews for Journey's Double |
|---|
Little girl Big world 7/4/10 . chapter 1"Time is mother's change." What a wonderful ending to this piece. This was just wonderfully written, I very much enjoyed reading it :) |
dreamergurl-02 6/9/10 . chapter 1Flow: I think it got a little confusing with the POV's, you started it with third person [Two walk...] but suddenly you switched to second person without any warning [as you hold...] Description/images: I liked the image you tried to give, I loved the distant feeling of the past. Subject: I liked how you wrote about a subject that is very realistic. People do tend to change and many are dwell on this by comparing present to past. Punctuation/Grammar: I would have liked it better if you had a comma between remember and as on the second line. I think it would have flowed better. I love how short and to the point your poem was. Keep on writing! from the review game |
in theory 6/3/10 . chapter 1I felt that this could have been longer, although I did feel the final sentence was the perfect end. However, it seems ambiguous...do you mean that your mother changes only with time, or (as I felt) that time births change. The latter is what I connected with. If I have misinterpreted then my bad, but if not it should be reconstructed as "Time mother's change" or "Time is change's mother" etc. I like the opening line too, it reminds me of Frost. Having said that, to cut it at 'forgotten' doesn't seem to click. There should be a pause after 'road', ideally with a comma, to inject a little clarity. At first glance it's a bit convoluted. Maybe just me nitpicking, and it's a well-written piece otherwise. Jack |
lili999 5/29/10 . chapter 1hi ! Cheap retail shoes watch, sunglasses, belt, hats/caps, High quality T-shirts, ED hardy t-shirts,ED Hardy hoodies,ED hardy ,Jeans,GUCCI shoes,LV Handbag,Chanel Handbag…high quality,low to |
Sarah A. W 5/24/10 . chapter 1Two walk a road only the forgotten Can care to remember... Creative! I love how you wrote this, it has a very deep meaning into it. |
Keree 5/22/10 . chapter 1NOW THAT IS THUTH! |
Isca 5/22/10 . chapter 1"Time is mother's change." I like the angsty tone of this line - it adds depth to the temporal theme. I also like this final line the best for its abrupt wisdom; it's refreshing in its connection between birth and death. [The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix] |
dragonflydreamer 5/22/10 . chapter 1I love how the majority of this is one sentence. It makes it flow well and gives it a reflective feel. "a road only the forgotten care to remember" Nice wording! "as you hold/onto a memory of another time/when I was not the person that I/care to be" Interesting. This seems like something that the speaker would be reflecting on, but I like how the "you" is the one thinking it. |