|Reviews for Journey's Double|
| Little girl Big world 7/4/10 . chapter 1
"Time is mother's change." What a wonderful ending to this piece.
This was just wonderfully written, I very much enjoyed reading it :)
| dreamergurl-02 6/9/10 . chapter 1
Flow: I think it got a little confusing with the POV's, you started it with third person [Two walk...] but suddenly you switched to second person without any warning [as you hold...]
Description/images: I liked the image you tried to give, I loved the distant feeling of the past.
Subject: I liked how you wrote about a subject that is very realistic. People do tend to change and many are dwell on this by comparing present to past.
Punctuation/Grammar: I would have liked it better if you had a comma between remember and as on the second line. I think it would have flowed better.
I love how short and to the point your poem was. Keep on writing!
from the review game
| in theory 6/3/10 . chapter 1
I felt that this could have been longer, although I did feel the final sentence was the perfect end. However, it seems ambiguous...do you mean that your mother changes only with time, or (as I felt) that time births change. The latter is what I connected with. If I have misinterpreted then my bad, but if not it should be reconstructed as "Time mother's change" or "Time is change's mother" etc.
I like the opening line too, it reminds me of Frost. Having said that, to cut it at 'forgotten' doesn't seem to click. There should be a pause after 'road', ideally with a comma, to inject a little clarity. At first glance it's a bit convoluted.
Maybe just me nitpicking, and it's a well-written piece otherwise.
| lili999 5/29/10 . chapter 1
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| Sarah A. W 5/24/10 . chapter 1
Two walk a road only the forgotten
Can care to remember...
Creative! I love how you wrote this, it has a very
deep meaning into it.
| Keree 5/22/10 . chapter 1
NOW THAT IS THUTH!
| Isca 5/22/10 . chapter 1
"Time is mother's change." I like the angsty tone of this line - it adds depth to the temporal theme. I also like this final line the best for its abrupt wisdom; it's refreshing in its connection between birth and death.
[The Review Game - Poems - Easy Fix]
| dragonflydreamer 5/22/10 . chapter 1
I love how the majority of this is one sentence. It makes it flow well and gives it a reflective feel.
"a road only the forgotten care to remember" Nice wording!
"as you hold/onto a memory of another time/when I was not the person that I/care to be" Interesting. This seems like something that the speaker would be reflecting on, but I like how the "you" is the one thinking it.