|Reviews for Liquid|
| Terras1fan 4/7/13 . chapter 24
I decided to read this story after well, finishing your other story. Still can't sleep tonight.
Anyways, you really love to do self-introductions for stories, don't you? I read past because I read your last work, and I figured, hell, if the last one was good past chapter one, then I'll give this a chance. But seriously, you should not do that. Show don't tell.
As for the plot, I loved how you made it uncertain for a long time who it was going to be in the end. But this was a bit of a problem near the end. I barely knew any of these guys well. Oh, and I wish you had made whoever the "second person" in L!qu!d who liked her more obvious. I mean, was it Nu? Also, you might want to reconsider how many band members are in this story. You barely mentioned Beau! I know barely anything about the guy. You should give me better descriptions and clear-er passage of time. Like saying what day of the week it is the location you have perhaps? I was just confused several times-is this next weekend? Is she skipping class? Et cetera. Also, a thought to consider, how did she get into this super fancy prep school? What is she good at? What's she going to be? Our female lead can be a tad Mary Sue at times, considering how the only thing we get from her is love of dance (but no love for music? also how'd she pay for those dance lessons?) and that she loves her family so much that she works herself to exhaustion. I need a smidge more to go on!
Oh, and the boys since they were less fleshed out came across a little too perfect as well. I mean, where is Robbin's flaw? He's... ? Exactly. Everyone has flaws!
Consistency: I could have sworn that at the beginning Beau was the one she was supposed to be paired with for the music video. What happened there? Also, you built up this great tension over the loan sharks, but then vamoosh! What happened? We know she didn't hit 20,000, since she barely worked and got injured! She gave her parents 15,000 ish and then was so worried over first snow giving her no work. Then suddenly Robbin kisses her and her fears go away? Nah, she's still worrying about her family. Got to resolve that money problem! Lastly, her age. At one point in time it's like we think she is a junior, but then she changes into a sophomore when you say she has two more years of school! What's with that? /:
Also, reread your stories before submitting, or write them in a word doc and use spell checker. There were about five spelling mistakes that were simply typos. Easily fixed problems that a good read through can catch.
Overall, you did a good job of approaching the famous band cliche. It was sweet. Needs some work but sweet.
3 out of 5,
| Fion 2/1/13 . chapter 27
I LOVELOVELOVE your stories! THEY ARE SO AWESOME! 3 I LOVE ROBBIN! Though I think you should have put a scene there along with Seeley and Robbin about Masen and Sadie. D BUT I LOVELOVELOVE LIQUID!
Just 1 question: Were they based on One Direction? Thx!
| jewelwriter 9/6/12 . chapter 24
| Just a Little Miss 8/6/12 . chapter 19
Sigh. . .
I seriously wanted Seeley with Nu. And I still have absolutely no problemo believing that he was/is crushing on her. I guess I'm just not such a big fan of Rob.
| choco-rose 6/16/12 . chapter 27
It is 4:25 in the morning and this story has kept me up for around 2 hours… and I find out that there's a sequel… FIRT ALL NIGHTER OF SUMMER WOOT! xD
| emeraldKESO 3/8/12 . chapter 9
I like this story so much!
| Brianna 1/2/12 . chapter 2
Hi! Okay so .. I only read a couple chapters so far and I like it! I love the fact that it's not like all of the other stories which are too similar. Yours is different and I'm definitely gonna finish reading this the sequel! Bye! Lol
| Xxluvbugger213xX 12/29/11 . chapter 3
Hi! okay. I love this story so far! not to cliche... My only problem is a mechanics thing. When you write the quotes, you have description after for the wrong person... It's really confusing for readers
I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right but let's say Seeley's friend is talking and she's all
"You did great!"... Instead of Saying that Seeley smiled, press enter and say it then
So instead of
"You did great!" I smiled and thanked her.
"You did great!"
I smiled and thanked her.
When you do it like the first one, it gets confusing on who's talking.
Other than that, I really do like the story!
| Ice Bubble 12/24/11 . chapter 24
| LittleQuietThoughts 11/23/11 . chapter 1
Whoawhoawhoa Brooklyn tech? I went to tech! Haha that's so cool o.o
But anyways, cool story so far from what I've read! I can't wait to read the rest :]
| Megan 11/20/11 . chapter 24
Thank you so much for writing such a good story! I really loved it!
I plan on reading all of your stories! I bet since this one was so good, your others are too!
| Megan 11/20/11 . chapter 19
Oh my goodnes! Another kiss! Ah and with Robbin! Yay!
This one better not be a "not kiss" again. That would make me quite angry.
| Megan 11/20/11 . chapter 15
I seriously hate Caroline! I mean, who doe she think she is? Stupid female dog...
| Megan 11/20/11 . chapter 11
Wow! A kiss! It seemed kind of random, but I like it! Shows some romance!
Though she still better not end up with Harley. He's mine. ;)
| Megan 11/20/11 . chapter 10
So I've decided something.
Harley and Nu are mine, Sadie can have Masen, and Seeley gets Robbin. I like that arrangement. Though I feel kind of bad for not giving Beau a girl. Maybe he could have the stylist? Or the girl from the dance competition? I don't know.
Anyway, awesome story!