I was taken by the title, and the first chapter, a good read. - E from the road house.

If hate is a state of mind than death is just a state of being.

-Edit: Place a comma after “mind” and I think “than” should be “then”.

Maybe that was why those who did hated her so much.

-Personal: Place a comma after “did”.

Some times it would light up every few minutes and then flicker off like a dying light bulb.

-Edit: Change “Some times” to “Sometimes”

-Fantastic line, by the way. I love the “dying light bulb” part, especially.

If it was too dark for even her accustomed to reading in the dark eyes could make out Anastasia would help.

-Edit: This line’s a little confusing. I think you’re missing a word here; I think I understand what you’re saying, but I still think it’s missing something. :)

They couldn't kill you again obviously but this was the realm of the dead, it could become hell.

-Edit: Place a comma after “obviously”.

Perhaps it’s just because I’ve had too much coffee today and I’m rather exhausted, but I find this opening piece to be a little confusing. Don’t get me wrong, your descriptions are wonderful and so is your command of the English language, but there’s just a bit *too* much description; especially before you thoroughly introduced the characters. I don’t know who is who to be perfectly honest. Who is the owl? Who is the dragon? Again, I think this might just be because I’m super exhausted, but I thought I’d throw that one out there.

Okay, a few more paragraphs down I was able to figure out who was who. Still, it might be wise to make it explicitly clear from the beginning.

“The laws of science were deeply flawed”

- I really liked this line. A bit of humour to it, as well.

You have a really engaging story here. A lot of mystery to it and the setting is so unique. I have a feeling this is going to be a great story. The ending was quite the cliffhanger; excellent way to keep people reading (as if your wonderful descriptions weren’t reason enough).

There were a few sentences that could have used some commas, but other than that everything was pretty solid. Excellent work.

Liana

You're really an excellent writer! I really enjoyed this.

I loved how you wrote this! At the first section, you kept telling us about Alice Peck's death, but not really revealing anything. I thought that was a good effect to make us want to read more. I actually liked Alice... I don't think she deserved to die... *sniff*. I love how you tell us small details such as Alice curling her hair and the school walls being painted to cover the lovers' initials! I think that's what I liked best about this story. I loved how you ended this... It just ended so abruptly... I want more! Update soon!

I love this. I love the way you write your descriptions and words. They just have a haunting and sophisticated way about them. The Death Realm sounded scary and... morbid actually, but I found it cool in a twisted way. I'm really interested to see where this goes, actually! You did well to make me hooked so far. I wonder what this plot has to offer...

From the Roadhouse

Pretty please repay via The Unwanted?

Hello from the Roadhouse!

First off, I gotta say that you have an excellent writing style. The first few paragraphs made me contemplate about hate, and everything else that you have so expertly written. The Death Realms seems like, ULTRA, SUPER, TERRIBLY cool! So great job on that! Keep on writing!

B. Cross

P.S. Can you payback via Rise From The Ashes? And please, not on the prologue. I have like...0159871901 reviews on that. xD. Thanks!

Wow. This chapter was really well written and intense! :)

I liked the fact that you took time to explain the backstory of Alice, before you started any other things...

The ending was really unexpected. It made me gasp. :P Really, it did. :D

I liked how throught the chapter you put in the funny teacher vs. student: round one-teacher things. And then for the last one, you took a serious tone, and it was a little ironic? Or something like that. I also liked the sentences that forshadowed the ending of the chapter. Like:

Eventually even the tormentors would admit though by then it was very late, Jody would confess on her deathbed and Kenny on a television interview when he was in his thirties. Alice Peck died because of them."

It was very cool.

:D

Avid. (Roadhouse)

Hi. :)

This story is off to an interesting start! :D

I really enjoyed the first few paragraphs; they were well written and made me think. It set a nice tone for the rest of the chapter, too.

I liked how you described everything in the Death realm. You made it seem unpredictable and a little chaotic, which I think is a different take on what other people would write. Good job. :)

AvidWriter-92. (Roadhouse. please return the review by reviewing Persephone's Flight, or any of my poetry pieces, if you're into poetry. Thanks!)