|Reviews for Focus|
| sofiya05 5/27/10 . chapter 1
So I think this is the first time that I've ever reviewed a poem on FP. Warning: I might not be good at it.
I like the "socks in a dryer" part, it's a good analogy. One I haven't really thought of.
And the way you emphasised "Just one" by putting it in a seperate line. It does the job.
Where you have "hapiness is fleeting; barely registering" I would use a semi-colon instead.
I think you should have the questions in the end. It had a good ending feel to it. So after "singing out at me like sirens" have "drowning in emotions, In my heateful thoughts...up till Against the pressuring weight of water; crushing me"
Then pack in the punch with the whats and whys.
It's good. I enjoyed reading it.