|Reviews for Linger Here|
| lipleaf 10/17/10 . chapter 4
The ending line is great. You pulled this off well, considering that the entire poem is one sentence, which easily becomes tedious. Your use of hyphens was well executed. My favorite lines are probably "An adoration within music not borne of sound
But of dust and sand and trees"- the imagery is simple yet beautiful and the tone is just lovely.
| lipleaf 10/17/10 . chapter 3
I love the flow you have in this. Everything goes so smoothly together, despite the fact that I typically find it awkward when the first word of every line is capitalized. The emotion feels subtle and soft, not the rigorous sort of passion you usually find in love poems. It really appeals to me. The mood fits well with the title of the collection, I think.
| thewhimsicalbard 10/8/10 . chapter 1
[RG - Poems - Easy Fix]
I've got some mixed feelings on this poem. You seem to do almost everything half-amazing. Let me explain what I mean.
On one hand your language and imagery are beautiful. Dragonflies with blades... the personification of glass in the second stanza... wingbeats... I loved every single moment of it. However, your language is not consistent. There were some lines that absolutely teemed with imagery, while others were all but devoid thereof.
Your construction was also excellent. The deeper a reader gets into the poem, the longer the lines get; that evidences the speaker's growing desperation - at least, that is what I choose to believe. However, it doesn't look very pleasing to the eye. The way your poem is aligned, coupled with the increasing length of the lines as the poem moves forward, causes it to move without enough purpose.
The tone of this poem was overall the best part for me as a reader. I read it out loud, and even though your descriptions were at times abstract in nature, I could, through the sounds of your words, feel the emotions of your poem in the air. That doesn't happen with every single poem that one comes across, so be incredibly proud of that!
Personally, I think you should consider a little bit more enjambment. This is a really solid poem, with no more than cursory errors and emissions here and there, but there is very little that is entirely unique about it. To make a musical metaphor: most drumbeats, melodic chord progressions, and basslines have already been written. To create new music, you must combine your sound and lyrics (language and imagery) with these commonly used methods of expression IN A NEW WAY. Enjambment is the most efficient and appealing way to do this.
I have but one question: did you like the metaphor?
That's all I've got! Hopefully this review did two things: first, I hope it made you feel good about how this poem turned out, because it is excellent. Second, I hope this will help you to improve as a writer in the future. Best of luck to you!
| kloun mannequin 8/21/10 . chapter 3
I like the poem 1 and this one, speciallt the ending about butterflies. it's better pretend.