|Reviews for Three O'Clock on a Rainy Night|
| SilenceListensWell 6/25/10 . chapter 1
Well, finally. Yeesh. Okay, my attempt at being a constructive critic for you. And since I have to copy your story and put it on word to see it at the same time as im writing this, I'll go by page I guess.
Page 1: If straining his eyes for the smallest glimmer of light was fruitless, how does he tell what time it is? Digital clock- glimmer of light. Not digital unable to see in pitch black. Course the lightning could help i suppose. hm. And I can't speak from knowledge, but I highly doubt any normal person would go downstairs to investigate a possible burglar with no clothes on. Especially if his brother's girlfriend was in the same house. But it leads to cuteness so i'll spare you.
Page 2: (Dialogue beginning xD) I hate that name. -shudder- xD. Tripping over a stool for some reason seems unlikely, but you did say the power was out. ..-lets it pass- ..Ok, if the dude had been sweeping since the guy started to go down the stairs and he walked down the stairs carefully, and lightly, i doubt that that much glass could be left. Enough to cut him yes, but i doubt a whole mess of it. And normally when someone turns the light on, and finds the powers out, they turn the light switch back off. So there was no way to notice whether or not the lights came on, unless you add the detail in that there was some over the sink light or you left the lightswitch in the on position.
Page 3: Ah I love how these two interact with each other, so witty and lovey teenaged boyish. XD -lumps all the yaoi goodness into this paragraph- Every bit of his body corresponded perfectly to my own, sounds a little cliched to me.
Otherwise this yaoi scene is epic. XD And Adrian is proud of himself, that is definitely an male uke thing to do. I assume his uke-age, because the seme usually does like taking things too slowly in such a teasing way during these scenes. Praise to you for your knowledge of this.
The storm went from raining and lighting to raining and thunder. hm. nothing wrong with it of course. just a random observation.
I dont like that ending. I just don't. I like details too much for my uke form. Like where the hell did the cat go. Or maybe I like cliched endings better. I would guess the latter of the two. Hm. I just dont like assuming things about characters after the story is over I guess. Like this ending leaves the reader to assume that, they went to sleep and whatever happens in the morning happens.
With these two though, the morning awkwardness afterwards seems like it would be a riot xD
Keep that in mind for a possible next chapter? These characters are somehow a lot more developed than usual, through more action I guess, so stick with these. Dont let that worst critic in your head tell you any different!
You must fight it!