You have such a breathtaking gift of words. Well done!

"And that crane cranked silently." There's something so profound about the tone of this line-like a prison inmate is watching the walls erect around him.

"A jazz juggler." This reminded me of Chicago.

"I poured coins like milk." Excellent simile. This reminded me of a wealthy person only giving money around the Christmas holidays.

"Vanity." Thy name is woman! [Sorry, I couldn't help but change the Shakespearean line :P].

"The greyest of afternoons." Stunning.

"On a Sabbath of Vampirism." Ahah. Brilliant.

Ooh, the imagery... how is one supposed to pick a favorite line...

'speaking to more the shuffle of her socks on the slack carpet then her voice' - I just thought this was both terribly adorable and sad at the same time. Really invokes the pain of loneliness.

'love less for the loveless' - More delicious wordplay, thank ye.

Loved it, loved it, loved it. There is beauty in just about anything you write.