Not very personal, but quite interesting. Please put spaces after your period (.)'s!

Thanks for your advice GRAMMER AH! I hate it if I could do without it I would :)thanks :)

Aie, so is the best bud new to all this or not? He seemed sort of familiar with the senario. Has he been there before or am I just reading things into it? *scratches head* Heh, and speaking of gramatically incorrect, my last review! Haha "things that jumps". I'm a moron, ignore me! Haha.

Intruiging. Heh, see, now you've got the plot all set up, that's good. People like to know what's going on as soon as they can, so laying it all out is the best way to go most of the time. This is interesting, the whole line, the distruction, consipiracy. Ooo. And you've only got 3 chapters up, I see. Put up more or suffer my wrath! *laughs* The only things that jumps out at me are little phrases here and there that aren't quite gramatically correct *yes, beat me, I can't help it!*. Heh.

Not bad for a start, though in my opinion, for the characters and the setting you're speaking a bit too formally. Still, considering alot of the stuff I see put up, this is quite good. Try to flow a little more though, with your words, not so many repeated verbs, if you catch my drift. "A small child peered at her from the covers.His eyes were big and round,and his face thin and dirty." for example, could be replaced with "A small child peered at her, nothing but big eyes and a filthy face, wrapped in a tattered blanket." Just less formality. Kudos to you though, I'm hooked so far. muuuuusst.... reeaaad.... moooore ^_-

I liked it :)