Cool story self. Adding me as my favorite author so I can link between accounts

Awesome chapter! Update soon!

Oh my gosh, you updated! After all this time, it's good to see an update from you! I hope you continue to update! This is so good!

Omg! You updated! Holy crap you're back! I'm so happy that you're finishing up your stories! This one was so great! I loved the fight scene between Rutherford and Yaris. This whole chapter was just amazing. Update soon!

YOURE BACK! XD this chapter was great. I did a little happy dance when the email came, reminding me that this was updated.

I totally understand hectic life events./ 7 deaths in 9 years, holidays, birthdays, a housewife and mother's work never truly ending, weather abnormalities. Been through it all.

Con Crit: A big thing I'm seeing is a lot of TELL and little or no SHOW. A writer needs to balance the two or else the full potential of the story will never be reached. No matter how good a plot is, if it's all tell and no show, it won't shine.

Here is an example of the difference:

TELL:

"What do you mean?" The pink-haired girl questioned as the prince pointed to the address on the envelope that the invitation came in.

"This is the address to the Mamoette Estate."

"That means-" Rosillia trailed off. Were they really that stupid? No. This was a challenge. They wouldn't have let that type of information be known if they weren't ready for their arrival.

-

SHOW:

"What do you mean?" She titled her head to one side and pursed her lips.

The prince pointed to the envelope. "This is the address to the Mamoette Estate."

"That means-" She twirled her hair around her finger tip and worried her bottom lip. 'Are they really that stupid? Or is this a challenge?' Her brows furrowed. 'With this kind of information, they must be ready for their arrival.'

That's pretty much the gist of the differences between show and tell. However figuring out how to balance them properly is a goal every author must accomplish on their own, eventually. Trail and error really.

Do you see how there is more action in the second example?

Me again, I hope you're finding my reviews helpful.

Con crit: Still way too much info at once. Be careful of that it can really kill an otherwise awesome plot. It needs to be paced, each scene thought out and pieced together to move the story forward. To build suspense especially the pace needs to be slowed down, not rushed.

Me again offering some friendly advice as a fellow author and an avid reader.

Con crit:

"So…What's out next agenda?"

out should be our {watch for common mistakes like this. It really distracts a reader and pulls them out of the story. It also bogs down an otherwise smooth flow.

Another thing is to drop most if not all of the "dialogue tags" The character's actions or speech should be enough to tell the readers who said, inquired, or thought what.

All these things I'm pointing out are to help you learn how to hone your craft. {I'm working on several novels myself and these are tips I've learned during my journey thus far.}

My suggestion would be to look into finding a "critique group" to join. They have so much wisdom to offer fellow writers who are serious about wanting to improve their craft. I've been with one barely going on a year now and have improved tremendously. Despite my only having a once a week visit to the group site.

Again please bear in mind I'm only trying to point out what I feel works and doesn't.

A quote from the beginning of this chapter is where the story should start {in my humble opinion}

She walked down a dark alleyway, it was night and the sky was riddled with smoky clouds that dumped pouring rain on the girl. The night was miserable, and the weather had turned that way quite suddenly after Madam Lafayette's death at the prince's party.

Right off the bat it leaves a reader wondering WHY IS SHE WALKING DOWN A DARK ALLEY?

You're descriptions are fine. I like that they are not over-wordy. That's good for an aspiring author.

A better opening hook I think would be the "Jack The Ripper Strikes Again" newspaper scene. It begs the readers questions of "What happened? or How many victims?

A successful opening hook leaves readers wanting to know more and instantly snags their attention.

Fair warning my critiques can be pretty blunt. Please bear in mind everything I say is directed only at the writing, not the author and everything is meant to help, not insult.

Concrit: Okay this is absolutely info dumpy. Everything is pouring out like a tsunami wave crashing against a shore. The key to back ground info without doing the dreaded "info dump" is to trickle the information throughout the entire story.

Again a solid opening hook is the best way to snag an editor or publisher's attention.

I have to say that for a prologue this was pretty good. It set a nice opening.

A bit of con crit: Most editors and published authors {at least the ones I've communicated with} will tell you that if you can start the story without a prologue then nix the prologue. Also a prologue is usually only "info dump" {back story before the story/action.}

What they look for instead {editors and publishers} is a solid opening hook.

I can't wait to see what happens next! It looks like this story is winding down to the final battle!

I really like the way the prince is thinking and the way he talk: it's so cool!

Bloody awesome! This is so well written! I really like the prince! He's so classy and sadistic! This story remind me of the manga 'Black Butler' by Toboso Yana... Anyway, I love this fic! Good job!

That's so cool! I love the idea and the main character! He really does sound like Jack Ripper: That's so freaking AWESOME!