|Reviews for Finding Grey Revised|
| Roselle 10/11/10 . chapter 8
I really like your story. I like how you have Maggie change. It's just a shame that it takes a war for things like that to happen. I wouldn't be too worried if you don't get many reviews. I write, too, and I think that a lot of people read the stories and don't leave reviews. Don't give up! I am looking forward very much to reading the next chapter. Take care now!
| Brackynn 10/11/10 . chapter 8
I absolutely loved the last line of this chapter - it really sums up Maggie at this point of her transformation. I had a little giggle :) Mr and Mrs Mansfield are such a sweet couple, too. I like that Maggie seeing them together makes her wonder if she's missing out on love...
While there's far more showing rather than telling in this revision (which I am loving!), I think on occasion it sounds like you're both telling AND showing. For instance: "Maggie dropped her spoon and rushed to Mrs. Mansfield, [whose] eyes were now glassy with tears. It was obvious that speaking of the memory [affected] her greatly." I think that describing Mrs Manfield with tears in her eyes already implies that she is affected by remembering Emily and it's more powerful without the clarification in the second sentence. But maybe that's just me.
I love getting my email alerts for this story - you can be sure I'll be reading and reviewing the whole thing :) Looking forward to the next update!
| rockforthecross74 10/10/10 . chapter 8
I'm surprised this isn't getting many readers, it's a really good story. I love the riches-to-rags nature of this story and the setting as well; in a way it's almost like Romeo and Juliet because of the polarity of Grey and Maggie's backgrounds. It's also nice how you're using Amelia to slowly bring Maggie down to earth. The transition was heartwarming and flowed well. And your writing style's great as well. It's like I can picture all the characters' emotions and the details of the storyline without there having to be any descriptions per se. Please keep those chapters coming, I can't wait to see what happens when she visits the hospital (and maybe meets Grey's favorite patient?).
| Forest 10/7/10 . chapter 7
I've been going through your stories for the better part of the night. I'm really glad you decided to redo Finding Grey. It was one of my favourite of yours, but it was a little... time crunched and seemed a little sloppily written almost. I hope you can add more interesting things to this revisit. As lovely a story as it is, don't just rewrite it. Throw in a little more! Keep on working at it. This revisit is pretty good seven chapters in, but I think this could use a little more of a punch.
| Roselle 10/4/10 . chapter 1
I like your story very much. I am very interested in the World War I era so I'm very glad to see stories being written about it. Update soon/
| Misa.D 10/3/10 . chapter 7
i'm reading! :D and luving it! i can't wait to see how you develope their relationship! thanks for writing this! pls keep updating :)
will Maggie end up caring for Sara? will they meet? (: can't wait to read more!
| Brackynn 9/25/10 . chapter 7
I think hearing about Maggie's parents and their constant travels (and also her mother's obsession with expensive food!) helps a lot in explaining how Maggie's selfish and superficial personality developed. I like how little things, like eating cheap, but delicious food is making her question her family's values ... it's like she's beginning to appreciate simpler things, which will no doubt help her to genuniely change her mindset. It was also interesting to read that she used to dream of marrying a man who she would barely have to see - it doesn't surprise me, but it does make me pity her a bit. I can't wait until she finds out what falling in love feels like :) Lovely chapter!
| Rome's Daughter 9/23/10 . chapter 7
This reminds me of writing to missionaries. I have about five friends who are on two year missions for our church right now, and they like hearing about home a lot. It's not as somber or sad as writing to soldiers, but you do start to miss them and they start to miss home. It's amazing what things happen in other countries and away from home. Good chapter. Maggie is really feeling the spirity of being nice. :)
| eriie 9/19/10 . chapter 6
Can't you make Teddy's fate different from the earlier version? He was adorable...And ohh so deserves to have a sweetheart...
About the story...loving it, specially the banter between the lads!
| eriie 9/19/10 . chapter 3
:D! Loved the chappie, though I haven't reviewed for ages! The chapter certainly lived upto my expectations and Grey seems even more in contempt of Maggie than the earlier version, which makes it really interesting! No critiques, in fact!:D
| Brackynn 9/12/10 . chapter 6
Love it! The opening paragraph sets the scene so well - details like the skittering bugs and wobbly table put such a clear picture of the barrack in my head. The soldiers' individual voices are also really fun to read. I like how Charlie is loud and rambunctious, Teddy is open and naive and so on and so forth. The banter back and forth between them all read very realistically to me. I had to smirk a little bit at Grey's surprise to see how Maggie refrained from writing of superficial things after he had been so outspoken about how horrible she was to everyone - one thing I really enjoyed about the first version of this story was how it wasn't just about Maggie's transformation; Grey had to reassess his view of the world, too. So looking forward to that! And I also appreciated the poignant moment at the end of this chapter where Grey wonders if he has let the chance to be loved pass him by... it's nice to see such a strong character have a moment of vulnerability.
In short, I adored this chapter!
| OneDayOneRoom 9/11/10 . chapter 6
I just started reading this and I love it already. I'm really tempted to read the old version just so I know what happens, but at the same time I don't want to spoil it for myself so I won't. :) I love serious men like Grey, and I can't wait to see how he and Maggie change throughout the course of this story. The playful banter between the soldiers in the barracks is the best, it feels very real. I love that Grey lets the others read his letter, becomes momentarily intrigued, and then goes back to being stubborn. Can't wait for more!
| STARLIGHT2267 9/10/10 . chapter 6
keep going and i will keep reading it
| SingingBird812 9/10/10 . chapter 6
Aww I love Teddy! He's so adorable! Anyway, the descriptions in this chapter were pretty awesome, especially the one about the rodents at the beginning. Even though rodents aren't pleasant, it was my favorite description of the chapter. :)
| poznati 9/10/10 . chapter 6
I really enjoyed this chapter as usual. You did a very good job at depicting the war life, and you managed to make a cast of secondary characters come to life, which isn't the case for most stories. This just keeps getting better and better. Write more soon!