In my opinion, these chapters are a perfect length! As I mentioned before, I'm loving the extra details - everything you've added is enriching the story and the characters, and I don't think it needs paring down at all. I've also noticed that your punctuation has improved heaps since the first version, and I think it makes your writing look much more mature. (One tiny note, though - in your summary, the end of the first sentence should read, "...when WW1 begins to affect her." Affect is a verb, and effect is a noun.)

I'm so excited to meet Grey! Can't wait for the next update :)

Hi! It's me again:D!

I've been reading this chapter with the same one of the last version, and it's deffa more detailed and realistic:)!

Your chapters are not the least bit too long!

"Yes, Miss, but that's never stopped you from ordering me about before."

Just a lil bit too sharp, coming from her; something a lil more subtle, perhaps?

Anyways looking forwards to the *revisited* first meeting with Grey!

The chapters are certainly NOT too lengthy! keep at the pace you are giving! I really enjoyed the plot so far.

Sincerely,

Aya Marie

i love it write more

I liked this! There was more development which goes a long way in a story such as this one. My only advice would be, keep that up. With the journey that Maggie goes on it's good to see it in a somewhat realistic light- or as much as you can in a story. Change doesn't happen immediately- on either side. Oh I can't wait to see what else you have in store for this story- it's always been one of my favorites!

Hi! I just finished reading the first version, and really liked it! But this version seems even better! Just one thing, in the first version Maggie was twentyish, and here shes eighteen. I rather prefer the older age as she would have more maturity. The dialogues were kind of a bit long too. But those are just minor stuff! The end seemed a bit rushed in the prev version, Id have loved if there were more MaggieGrey interaction!

Such beautiful work! I'm so glad that you decided to take the time to revise this. This way, I get a chance to re-read it as well! "Finding Grey" has always been one of my favorite stories of yours (apart from "Winchester"), and I'm so glad to have the chance of getting to revisit it! Please update shortly, and do so with "An Unexpected Journey" when you have the time as well!

Much much better! I mean I loved the first version too - but this added detail is great. The thought process you show the reader for the characters is fabulous. It helps us discover more about them.

What a lovely surprise to see that you're revising this! I remember reading the first version years ago and thoroughly enjoying it. I'm sure it will be a pleasure to read again.

I skimmed over the original first chapter before reading this one, and the improvement is very clearly evident :) The extra details in this chapter do a wonderful job in creating a vibrant environment for your characters, and more vibrant characters as well. I particularly like how you've shown Maggie's superficiality through her conversations with Julia and Amelia and her internal dialogue.

This is going straight on my alerts. Well done!