|Reviews for The Two of Us|
| Black Sparrow 8/17/10 . chapter 1
Brilliant stuff, great job.
| no.peace.los.angeles 8/15/10 . chapter 1
This piece feels very bizarre to me, but I like bizarre, so that works. I think it's because there were some places where I felt the verb tenses didn't match up, but maybe that was me not paying attention . . . Anyway. I really liked the second to last stanza. Such a simple image, but beautiful. Keep writing! :)
| HiddenFromYou 8/12/10 . chapter 1
There was an unconsistancy I liked about this. In places you made the words lyrical and in others they sounded as if you were speaking them. I found the contrast refreshing.
The thought the lines at the beginning were a little short. They broke up the flow of the poem and didn't really allow tension to build. That got better towards the end, but the opening felt qute choppy.
One last thing. I felt that this:
"and each car that
slide past stopped"
Should either be 'each car that slid past' or 'each car that slides past'.
| amavian 8/11/10 . chapter 1