Hey, Dreamers. :)

I thought that this very well thought out, and I loved the story line behind it all. I do hope that you continue this into an actual story, because that would be really awesome. I think that it has a lot of promise, and I feel like it's unique. The characters seem all very real, and I like the descriptions that you use. :)

If you do continue this into a story, I would advise you to write some backstory about Blake. I'm left feeling like I don't know much about his life before he's introduced to Poison and William, besides what I can infer from what they've said.

Otherwise, I thought that this was a fresh retelling of a popular plotline. :) I'm glad that you put your own twist on it and made it unique. :D

Avid, repaid review. 1/1. :)

The first part, the "Good girl" seems a bit detached from everything else. I would like to see it more attached somehow, maybe by setting, or by an animal that sees both things or something of that sort.

errors:

"Despite his tough exterior, he is lonely William."

- "Despite his tough exterior, he is lonely (,) William."

"Just imagine if you did not have Raven, when you were first created."

- "Just imagine if you did not have Raven when you were first created."

"I would have been dead within days," William shrugged.

- "I would have been dead within days." William shrugged.

"Only because of the age you were created," Poison rolled his eyes.

- "Only because of the age you were created." Poison rolled his eyes.

And so on, I think there's quite a few of these.

Poor little rich kid, in over his head.

- I like the "poor/rich" idea but what's "in over his head"? I think you might've missed a couple of words there.

Or you may find yourself dead, permanently.

- ha! nice!

Aw look Raven;

- aw(,) look(,) Raven?

Blake nodded, as Poison helped him to his feet.

- I think (and) would flow better rather than "as"

:shiver: this story ended on a scaryish tone, but I think you handled the tension well throughout. I think that you could've added detail to the girls - were they restrained in any way? why did neither try to escape?

Cheers!

Narq.