|Reviews for Forgotten Memories|
| Sir Bradford 8/29/10 . chapter 1
Again, your themes ring true. Well done in both the categories of style and theme. I am sorry I can not offer you more constructive criticism, but it is difficult to do with free style poems. The only things that stuck out to me were the first two lines of the last stanza. They seemed redundant. I would rework the first line so that there is more of a difference, as "forgotten," and "lost" can sometimes be synonymous.
| Dana S 8/20/10 . chapter 1
| allmylifetime 8/16/10 . chapter 1
I see poetry rofl. I write a bit of poetry myself but maybe not as good as this... funny, I was thinking on doing a piece about forgotten memories :/
The part I loved most was the ending, love the way you strung something about life in it ㅅ.ㅅ
Keep up the good work :D
| La Lagrima Del Cielo 8/15/10 . chapter 1
Very nice poem, may I say. I like the way you write and the meaning of this one. My favorite part is
4, that is very beautifully said and I can relate to it.
But, if I am honest, I don't really understand the last part of the poem! Aren't the forgotten memories the same as lost memories? Maybe I am wrong, but the ending doesn't make much sense to me.
Anyway, I loved it, even with that one small "mistake"
| 3M2R 8/14/10 . chapter 1
Over here however, the italic served no purpose to me. I think it didn't really do anything much.
'enjoy these memories/ for they are worth/ than gold itself' Did you mean 'for they are worth/ MORE than gold itself'? Because it doesn't really make sense if you write 'for they are worth/ than gold itself'.
The last part felt sophisticated and confusing.
'forgotten memories/ should not become lost memories/ for they are part of life.' forgotten memories are lost memories. So I didn't really understand how it isn't a lost memory... It's unless you remember the forgotten memories (which is pretty illogical). It would be good if you could explain to me why. It does make me feel a little lost.
I think this poem can be split into stanzas. When you do, your point can be clearer. It will cause readers to stumble over when you lump them up all in one paragraph. First, there are no commas or full stop to indicate where to stop.
I don't know, maybe you want to give the reader space to imagine and break the lines up according to their interpretation. I don't really think it's good. I would rather have an image of the whole picture with a missing piece. (Just personal preference)
However, this is a nice write. I don't even know if I should be remembering these incidents. 'Part of life'? But living life is already so difficult itself... With the memories piling up, weighing on you, I don't think you can move. You'd probably be crushed under it. Hence when I was reading, I don't really agree with the last part of the poem. 'enjoy their company' NoI don't want those bitter memories to accompany me. /disgust look/ Okay, just joking. It does evoke quite a deal of emotions and gets readers thinking. Overall, although I do have quite a lot of criticism, but I still think this poem is pretty well-written.
| follow the stars 8/14/10 . chapter 1
i really like this one, cause i can relate to feeling like even though you may lose other things you always have the memories. kinda what i hear d alot after my best friend died. Everyone was telling me how even though she is gone the memories aren't.
| Account hase Moved 8/14/10 . chapter 1
I really liked this. I relate well with it. Only one part didn't flow well (no worries, I understand that your first language isn't english).
'For they are worth/than gold itself' lol they are worth gold? more than gold? perhaps you mean they are worth more than gold itself.
review for review ;)
| Holycon Days 8/14/10 . chapter 1
I like how it's kind of like a story, and it isn't just any character. It's for the reader.
One thing is the truth. Memories are worth more, than gold.
Something was a bit confusing at the end, forgotten memories would be something that would be lost, because if they weren't to be lost, then they'd be remembered. Then again, forgotten memories can resurace at times. When it does happen, it's like wow, where did that come from?
(My review to everlast in your mind as the first for this poem.)
| R. M. Williams 8/14/10 . chapter 1
I liked it. You had a very nice flow going throughout the whole poem. Tiny thing though. You forgot to put "more" after the line "For they are worth" and before "Than gold itself". But that's okay. It's just a normal mistake. Keep writing.
R. M. Williams