Hello,

My name is Tannen Dell. I am the Editor-in-Chief of Indigo Rising Magazine and your story peeked my interest. This semms very creative and if you would like to consider sending some of your work then we would be happy to take a look. You can find us at .

Thanks,

Tannen Dell

Editor-in-Chief

"Crius looked down upon Earth, saw her creatures go about their lives, and felt a stirring of longing in his breast"

This is a misleading sentence... Crius saw her... and felt a stirring in his..., conflicting gender references...

as a whole, this in an interesting read... but in the context of the piece it is misleading and hard to follow.

I imagine, if it was a preface to a fictional story, it would make more sense... if you were to write a story and somewhere in the story a bard was telling the tale of the world that the people in that story lived... it would be better.

As a stand alone piece, I do not like it.

As a... creative piece, I enjoyed it. :)

Danit Kostiner

I have just had to read The Epic of Gilgamesh, and this creation fable reminds me of that a bit. You've written it, though fictional -like I suppose all creation myths must be -very true to traditional tales of creation - full of lists and an almost recipe-esque feeling (first this, then this, etc). I have no qualms with this. In fact, it's a very clever way to go about writing a myth of creation. I think they loose their authority somehow if they're too drawn out.

There was only one place where I became lost and that was where Crius and Clythia first acknowledge the humans. It is evident that they did not themselves create the humans, but because of this, I think they may need their own, brief background in order to fit. And I would like to know exactly what Ilithyia did with that cup.

You have a few typos around the last few paragraphs, though it's nothing catastrophic. And I believe the second to last sentence ought to be written in past tense rather than future. Future almost breaks the spell of the creation myth. Past makes it more authoritative.