|Reviews for Lively|
| BabyDollAndGiantFreaK 9/8/10 . chapter 1
I love the characters(: At first I was thinking that Rian should end up with Zach but then half way through I couldn't help but think DAMN DANNY AND RIAN NEED TO BE TOGETHER, except that it is cliche but cute nonetheless. I think it could've been clearer when Rian got injured because the transition was confusing but I love what happened after, where Danny is all concerned and what he says to her. I love the line 'who is going to pass on my good looks to our kids? am i going to die alone form herpes contracted from the many sex partners I have because of loneliness?'. I also think that the subtle hints of Rian's slightly attraction to Danny are really good/sly.
| sweetpoet2003 9/8/10 . chapter 1
Aw! that's just too cute.
| Ling Chi 9/7/10 . chapter 1
This was really cute! I loved it. I like the characters and their personalities. It fits them nicely.
Only ONE thing that bothered me (and it's merely a small grammar error):
"Laughing, I felt Danny's arm wrap around me and steered me towards the wall again."
That's saying that it was Rian who was laughing. I think it was Danny who laughed, right? So it should be:
"Laughing, Danny wrapped his arm around me"
"Danny laughed and I felt his arm wrap around me"
But there are other ways to write it that are also correct.
If you put a verb like "laughing" in the beginning of a sentence, it's done by the subject of the sentence. So it would be "I" who did the "laughing" in your original sentence.
Also, not as important, is the "and steered me towards the wall again" part. It should be "and -he- steered me towards the wall again." Because it just doesn't make sense grammar-wise with the beginning part of the sentence.
I'm sorry if that's really nitpick-y, but grammar rules keep coming to my head because I have to study for the darn SAT. The summer has eroded my brain enough that I don't notice the lesser errors, but that first one just stuck out to me. I'm sorry. D: You don't even have to change it if you don't want to.
But I really liked your story! :D So I hope that makes up for my boring grammar lesson. :o
| sappyromancelvr 9/7/10 . chapter 1
So freaking sweet.
| crimsonbloodlove 9/6/10 . chapter 1
*all together now* AW!
Really sweet, and fluffy humor, which I like a lot. You did a great job on showing us what happened with the swimming lessons, rather than telling what happened. When you described both guys I could picture them and pretty much swooned, not to mention the banter made me grin like a fool. I don't really know if there was anything to improve on. This was a great short story, definitely something I would read again and again.
| Too Much Info 9/6/10 . chapter 1
I loved this.