|Reviews for Knots and Nooses|
| Small Wings Flying 1/3/13 . chapter 16
Clever, having "I wanted" in a stanza of its own; that really highlights the words and that pause that inevitably comes after it is like a buildup to something greater. It almost has the effect of a cliffhanger in prose, which is surprising as I don't have to click the next button or turn the page to find out what happens. But a really powerful start.
I find the follow-up line falling a little weaker to my expectations however; the "this time" implies such a scene has occurred before, however nothing else implies that and the tone seems to give those previous occurrences no value. I think adding "really," to the start of that line would help, but I'm sure there are probably better ways to do that, and maybe one more in keeping with the actual tone (because for some reason I can't imagine the narrator saying "really" - it's a little formal for such an informal word to creep in).
I noticed you start the third line with a capital although it follows from a comma. That's not the only place you've done that either; the start of the last stanza is another example. I can see it giving extra emphasis so that's okay, however you've followed every fullstop with a capital as well, and while that's in keeping with english grammar, poetry often breaks those and I think that weakens the emphasis of the capitals you do place for that reason. You may want to consider some of those.
Sleeping apples huh. Nice image.
[and the escapade girl, she
stole my shoes and laughed her
way to Timbuktu.] - I'm not sure I agree with the line breaks there; to me, it seems to break the image a little oddly, but maybe I'm missing something there?
| Sorrow's Smile 10/7/10 . chapter 2
OMG I can totally empathize with the parents inability to find places. this happens to us ALL the time, even with the GPS.
But in general, I like the line "clutching my head as the car spins and turns", it reminds me of those movie scenes where the main character screams and the world is spinning. I also enjoyed the ending and the ominous thought of "forever searching for Rochester." I feel like you could have elaborated a little more though, on why.
| HiddenFromYou 9/27/10 . chapter 4
I found the reading quite heavy here. I'm not sure whether it's the quick changes from rhyming to not rhyming and back again, but I had to read through each line really slowly to get the sense that I'd actually understood it. Now, if this is a slow song, then well played, you've effectively slowed the tempo down and got across the beat within your words which, with a song, isn't always easy to do. If you meant for this to be fast paced though, I feel that some editing and singing aloud is required.
"I'm not in love again" she said, - There should be a comma after the word "again".
An extra beat is needed in these lines for them to match up and keep the song flowing.
"Sad smiles in her bed."
"You loved to watch her dance.
"Slow photos worn with tears,"
"Things don't mend like bird's bones,"