well this is an alright story you have. the idea is there, you even write well but there are a few things i need to point out.

First off, your sentences are very choppy. you overuseperiods and commas making them a bit disjoind and difficult to read. just work to make them flow a little better from now on and you should be good.

Second, while i like how you have introduced the charecters, the boy seems a bit too beliving an trusting for someone whos freind was lost. but that is more an opnion of mine and not something you have to listen too.

As i said you do a good job of writing in a way that reveals what you want without overstating it. not bad in all.

Interesting first chapter. It was kind of spooky. I look forward to reading the rest of the piece.