Chapter 2

You start out by stating a monotonous routine. You make her seem normal, but that immediately changes with her "felt like someone "skinned" a fish and was rubbing it up and down my thighs" comment. She's got a quirky way of looking at things.

She's truthful in her description of her friends: they mean a lot to her, but they can also be annoying. She shows the good and the bad, which could mean that she sees both the good and the bad (she takes the good with the bad) in people or that she is bitchy.

She's observant.

She seems to take a few things for granted, and she has a blase manner of saying things; she's blunt, which is good.

Michelle seems to slightly air-headed...nothing exactly so, but something like that. I don't know how to explain her, exactly without stereotyping her. If I had to, then she's a little like the "girly-girl". However, she isn't not observant; she did notice the different name(s) that Eric called Marie. That's a good quality. It's not bad; you've made her stand out: even though Michelle is a flirt and all that, she still is there for her friend.

You've made Eric seem like this bad-boy persona (for a while) that it seemed weird that he apologised to Marie. But then , you did say that he tried to be different, so I guess you could chalk it up to him being different. There's a different side of him being show: he's mindful of his language when needed. Also, he's shown to be sweet. Somewhat.

Chapter 1

I like how you've gotten in to the mindset of the protagonist; it's refreshing because you let the reader know that the protagonist usually associates the name "Eric" with a certain type of person. The protag stereotypes people. This is fine, because like I said, it is essentially a way by which you gave us insight in to the protag's mind.

Currently, the structure of this chapter can be tweaked just a little to look like as shown below,

"It's odd. [- This causes the readers' attention to be piqued. They ask themselves, "What is odd?"]

Usually, when I think "Eric," I think of dark-eyed princes who rebel for love. I think of dreamy jocks with parental issues, of sweet small-town guys with higher ambitions. Never have I connected the name "Eric" to bad-boys with facial piercings and permanent records. [- Here, we see that the protag is used to a certain type of personality to be compartamentalised with a certain name; expectations are present.]

When I saw Eric Palmer for the first time, princes and jocks with the same name were hard to comprehend. My classmates talked about him often. ("Remember when he filled a balloon with shaving cream and threw it at Mackenzie Moore?" "What about the time someone said he slept with Rebecca Wilson for a semester's worth of French homework?" "He got caught streaking during the homecoming game…") Blah, blah, blah. It went on and on. It's easy to say that Eric Palmer provided the entertainment for the entire school. [- Here, Eric's character is brought out; the readers' have their own expectations of Eric. They start to associate his name with certain actions. This means that you can develop his personality so that he doe follow the readers' expectations to a certain extent and doesn't as well.]

Anyway. I'm ranting here. The point is: Eric is different. Nobody knows if he tries or if it comes naturally, but he manages to be "different" on a weekly basis. [- Shows that the protag can get carried away by certain topics, getting so involved that they start ranting. Shows their intense-ness.]

And this week, I am an accomplice to his differentiation." [- And here the story starts. The readers' are interested even more so because they want to see how exactly Eric shows his difference to the school/world.]

Remarks: So far, I am interested in the protag and in Eric as well as in where the story is heading.

I like Eric a lot better than Holiday.

Well, I will PM you the character development ideas and stuff since my exams are over.

YAY! Exams are done.

This chapter...is very short!

It feels like another filler chapter.

I reread all the other chapters and noticed that you have changed the chapter titles. It is slightly confusing; you might want to change it Chapter 1, or something of that sort.

Also, for the first chapter, the entire storyline was confusing; there are no pauses or breaks to indicate a shift (or change) in the scene.

One suggestion would be to do just that: create chapters according to different scenes. That way, the reader(s) will be able to follow the story without being confused.

Regarding the character development, I will PM you by this weekend.

Listen, I'll reread your story again over the weekend, write down my suggestions and/or corrections, etc, and then PM you. Is that okay?

P.S. PM if you have any questions. (Though I don't know why I'm even saying this.)

love it plz ud soon XD

Hey, I'm back.

Well, I'll be off again pretty soon, but since I got noticed that you'd update, I wanted to comment.

Okay, there's a random sign in the story, fault of Fictionpress, not doubt.

Hardly any grammatical errors; YAY! - I hate it when there are grammatical errors.

This feels like a filler, which is fine because not all the chapters can be full-steam ahead chapters. Just as long as you don't have too many filler chapters, it'll be fine. Also, when Sarah is talking, it feels a lot like information-dumping, which is fine because it brings out her character: she's a speed train, only for talking.

Good so far. Good job so far. Take care.

(PS. Did I PM you about character development? I can't remember; exam-induced amnesia.)

Hey! I'm really glad that I could make your day! WOO HOO! Yup, sure I'll PM you...but only once my exams are over. That'll take some time, sorry!

It's Coca-Cola, not Coke-A-Cola. At least as far as I'm aware, but maybe that's just how they market it in Asia.

Good story. The characters seem real-ish, but a lot more character development is needed. Keep up the good work.

PS. I hope that the review doesn't sound really mean. It's not mean to.

slightly intresting.

Love it! I don't really care if it is in past or present tense but, I think that it is easier to write in past tense.

No because:

1. You haven't held the senior party event thingo

2. I've waited too long to read this

3. Me wants more

4. so does everyone else

Cheers

He just kissed her so they could win?

Love it!

Awesome story!

Just hurry up and update! I want to read the rest of this... like now...but maybe not cause my sisters bugging me at the moment... :( hurry!

Love it!