|Reviews for And So We Float|
| Frayling0 10/4/10 . chapter 1
Oh my gosh, fantastic! This was so vivid and it rings so true. I love the imagery of the ship at the mercy of the sea... and the idea of the anchor when we attempt to take root. I really enjoyed this! Luke, The Roadhouse
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 10/3/10 . chapter 1
Well ,this one shot seems to be a certain form of cynicism on the subject of a higher power. Not that I mind that though. I really like the way you use the words to your favour in terms of the imagery. I really like what you've done here especially the part on torture. It's actually pretty graphic without compromising the T rating. I actually would envision this under the fantasy genre though. I wonder if that's part of your plans in doing this story. In a very real way, the essence of this story really reminds me of His Dark Materials trilogy. But then again, it may or may not be a coincidence. Can you let me in on this part. I'll be interested to know your source of inspiration. :)
P.S: Can you hold back your guns in reviewing for now? A Ranger's Tale is in the process of a round 2 editing. :)
-From The Roadhouse. :)
| fudgyvmp 10/2/10 . chapter 1
aww, this is really inspirational...and then cruel...and then...existential, fun!:)
-Why are the[y] still down there,
-The[y] should be gone...you type fast. I do too, I make worse mistakes though. like 'teh' and 'no tot'
-As they tumble down[,] the[y] cry out and scream
"For a moment we are silent. Then, high above, we laugh.
What a smashing joke." I like that really brings out the personality of the manipulative.
-The river offers now answer. strike the 'w' off 'now'
-this sentence is awkward "We are just visitors to the place to where we fall."
-It doesn't care i[f] we stay forever.
Pretty much sums up humanity here, spiffy artful job.
| seredemia 10/2/10 . chapter 1
'While the frame may change with age and wear [,] most dreams stay just that, dreams.'
-You need a comma after 'wear' cos it was confusing without. I had to re-read the sentence twice to understand :P
There are times when you lack commas, but I ingored it since I liked the way this was written. I like how you wrote it as 'We looked down, we did this, etc, etc'. It's like you involve the reader in, and I lovelovelove it when an author does that.
'It's a thrilling feeling, playing god,'
- Im pretty sure god is meant to have a capital letter.
'For a moment we are silent. Then, high above, we laugh.
What a smashing joke.'
- I loved this part. I dunno why, why it's just really nice the way you wrote it.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading this. I really do love the message that you've written behind it. Good job!