Review Marathon this weekend (link in my profile!)

I like this. It's such a true statement and description of how people (not just men) are in war or when they're angry. The word hypnotized is really great too. It describes how overpowering the sword and the emotion behind it are.

liked the use of idols

gravity is really strong here.

homage to the woman

silent drum...hum...just for looks?

favorite so far.

i really like this one.

i get it but i dont.

the weapon and the dress wound, seems to mean that the things other then ourselves kill us, rather than the other way around. nice.

i like how they're hypnotised by their weapons. nice.

last line seems awkward, but i like the idea.

Really adored the almost-rhyming of the middle line, "shards itself to stars for you;", and the imagery of a soul fragmenting into something beautiful.

One thing that could possibly be improved is the first line, which is more of an lead into the brilliant second line, and could perhaps be reworked to stand more on its own merits.

Kikyuu

(from The Review Game)

[RG - Poems - Easy Fix]

An interesting choice, to start this haiku off with the word humility; that contrast is intense. I like where the poem is going from this point, although I'm not so sure how well the enjambment after "of" works for you. Unless I'm much mistaken, the point of enjambment is to toy with the expectations of readers. As a reader, I expected something to the effect of what you wrote. Sorry if that seems nit-picky.

Hypnotized, on the other hand, is just fantastic. I was absolutely fascinated by the word choice there. It drew me in. It's a very strong attention-grabbing device; excellent work.

-thewhimsicalbard

Lovely haiku!

This is really good. An interesting idea.