|Reviews for Selene and Lord Death: removed|
| Princess Mariana 2/3/12 . chapter 2
YOU NEED TO PUT THIS STORY BACK UP! IT MIGHT NOT BE AS GOOD AS THE REWRITE, BUT IT'S STILL AMAZING! (It also is for those of us waiting for you to update on the rewrite, to read.)
| Hearts of Pyjamas 1/30/12 . chapter 2
I love the rewrite of this, but it'd be awesome if you could post the original on wattpad, as I really enjoyed it :) It's a great story :)
| ImmortalDreams 11/23/11 . chapter 2
I love it so far!
My only complaint is that I got confused when there were no scene breaks. When you changed POVs I had to reread a few paragraphs to realize it.
Other than that, it's got me hooked and I'm onto chapter two!
| jnl94 6/23/11 . chapter 2
This is a really interesting story so far. It's got me intrigued!
| LuxAurorae 4/10/11 . chapter 2
Good premise and it seems like it'll be an interesting story. I didn't like Selene at the beginning, maybe even disliked her a bit because she seemed rude. I think she would have been more likeable as a character if she responded with a witty, and not openly offensive question or comment of her own. I wasn't sure who to root for. (Maybe you can make Alice even more annoying? Or meaner?)
Selene's power caught me off guard. I think it would have felt less shocking and therefore more natural to me if there was some earlier indication.
If not, then how about shifting this line to the top? As it stands now, the part addressing her powers seems to come a little late. "As you may have already noticed Selene isn't your average run of the mill teenage American girls." Right after ""Hello my lady," Selene turned, a gasp escaping her lips. A woman, with a noose hanging from her neck and blood dripping down her cheeks from her eyes, smiled at her. She was dressed in the clothes of a noble woman from the Renaissance. "Welcome to Belfast castle. My name is Deloris. I was the daughter of the lord of this castle but I hung myself because he killed the man I loved, just because he was a stable boy."
...and then you can follow up with either her reaction, or a brief history about her family and then her actual interaction with the ghost after the line about Selene not being normal.
Also be careful with your tenses, especially past and present at the beginning of the chapter.
I like that the plot is moving along from the very start, since I personally have an issue with pacing, and I also really liked that you had Allie and Alice kidnapped rather than Selene, which is who the reader would be kidnapped instead. It's also a unique story idea (at least to me) which always makes it more interesting.
| Lady of Confusion 2/3/11 . chapter 17
GREAT STORY! UPDATE ASAP!
| CupCake34 1/27/11 . chapter 17
Hey! Just wanted to tell you I really enjoyed this story! It was fun ;)
| charm en route 12/26/10 . chapter 17
Ahg! This story was so cute. Seriously. I loved Helios. They were totally perfect for each other, huh? :)
Great job. :)
| trippingoverair 12/24/10 . chapter 13
i love this story ]
i relate to selene so much,
well done xD
| Hoes Before Broes 12/20/10 . chapter 17
I love this story!
| Stephanie M. Moore 12/7/10 . chapter 17
You have really interesting mixture of the Persephone story and Beauty and Beast, of a sort. But you have a really interesting spin that I really enjoyed.
You have a few errors scattered throughout the story (mainly instances when you use the wrong word... for example, tide and tied or bored and board.)
Moving on to the sequel. Nice work!
| Shelby 12/7/10 . chapter 17
| yistheskyblu 12/6/10 . chapter 17
Very good story
| Mysterious MD 12/5/10 . chapter 4
A few spelling and grammar errors I caught were towards the beginning, where you have "... so he had removed all of his guards, and other beings that would have gotten in the groups way, ..." I don't think you needed the comma between "guards" and "and". Also, I think "groups" should be "groups'" with the apostrophe after the "s". Another was where you had, "To me you seem like a big bullied that enjoys..." where "bullied" should be "bully". You had "... Dante could tell also from how he was cowering underneath Selene's hair, but the king's surprise he felt not anger or rage." The sentence could be changed multiple ways, but the easiest fix is having the word "to" before "the" so it says "... but to the king's surprise..." You had, "My sister and I treat you like crap constantly and always treat you like a freak because of what you can!" I think "do" should be at the end of the sentence. When Death was telling Selene that she could not leave the palace without guards, you had, "... and you be given an assistant who will help you with everything you need." I think you should have the word "will" between the "you" and "be" so it says "...and you will be given..." You had, "If you are found in any of those two areas I'll change are deal..." where "are" should be "our". You had the same spelling error when you had "Well you'll have time to get used to me, Selene, considering are deal was for eternity." You had "his majesty made a deal with her," where the "his" should be capitalized since it is the beginning of the sentence.
It was a good chapter. Selene is now in a deal with Death and has to go to the world of death. We see that she is definitely not a fan of his. It is amusing to see her reactions to Death. And Dante gets lucky with his punishment and just has to look after Selene. I look forward to reading what happens next, keep up the good writing.
| Mysterious MD 12/5/10 . chapter 3
I noticed a few spelling errors. One was the second sentence where you have, "The minute she heard he scream...", where "he" should be "the". Another was where you had "... but she could sense a prescience". Where "prescience" should be "presence". You seem to continue with that spelling in the story. When you described Dante's height, you have "about a feet in height", where "feet" should be "foot". You also are missing a space where you say, "She was in shock at whatshe was seeing". Another error is where you have "And you went a head with this plan..." where "a head" should be one word. You had "If he did take her as his wife then there was a way to make it so that she would main her physical form!" where "main" should be "maintain". When you were talking about the moving trees, you have, "She paid more attention to this as they continued to press on, and it was just as she had though." Where "though" should be "thought".
(I only mean to point out the spelling errors to help enhance your story, and I give the context and sentences so that it will be easier to locate them if you do go back to correct them)
It was a good chapter again. Alice is taken away and Dante gets caught by Selene. She manages to walk her way through everything and get to the dungeon which was pretty funny. Dante notices that she's different, and she doesn't start becoming transparent like Allie. Now Death is here, so I think this will be where the deal takes place. Keep up the good writing, I look forward to reading what happens next.