|Reviews for shake the leaves|
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 1
The rhyme in this is BRILLIANT. Ah, I'm in love with it. It's definitely shakes/takes, links/thinks, own/alone, throat/afloat, and maybe be/leaves? The second stanza feels like it's losing the rhyme a bit, or at least I'm missing it, but the first stanza is laced together so densely and beautifully.
I also love how auditory the descriptions are. I can hear her shaking, his whispers, her pulse, and the leaves rustling. I'm really there in the moment, and once all those things pile together, and I can really feel her emotions.
As for the "something missing," the only advice I can think to offer is to look at the last line. The idea of it is great, but I feel like you could do something more creative with the wording, rhythm, rhyme, etc. It's not bad out of context, but with the attention you paid to crafting the rest of the piece, it's a bit of a letdown.
Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| Bonjour Skitty 10/11/10 . chapter 1
I like the descriptions given when they hold hands; the excitement and the nervousness. It conveys very genuinely. I also like the way certain phrases are worded: "flutter of a pulse," reminds me of the "butterflies" people get sometimes. Perhaps it is an allusion to them?
| TheLovelessRose 10/11/10 . chapter 1
WOW. I dont think theres anything missing, per say, but perhaps in your mind there is? Its a poem that really conveys a lot of emotions so i think its up to the reader to find whats missing or to simply find out what is there :)