|Reviews for brief&bitter|
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 10
I love the sexuality buried in this. It's not explicit by way of words, but it definitely has that dirty, right-down-to-it feeling in between the lines.
"you wish to be clean" - Clean of what? Physically? Of the regret? Of the emotion? I love how this can have so many meanings.
Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 8
Wow, brilliant sentiment. Until I got to the last line, I was taking the meaning very literally. I love how you completely changed my take on it so quickly.
Speaking of the last line, great emotion there. You just sort of drop it and then let it linger with the reader.
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 7
"That human feeling" - love it. Such a beautifully detached way to refer to love.
Great topic, too. The irony is perfect. This is definitely one of those haiku that is crafted perfectly to say just what it needs to.
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 6
Interesting. Nothing like your other pieces.
I'm having a bit of trouble figuring this one out, but I'm enjoying trying. Abuse? Regret for having a kid? Regret for abandoning it and making the father raise it? I honestly have no idea. A lot of thought for such a small piece.
Great use of formatting. Really heightens the emotions and confusion of it.
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 5
(Silly, silly review throttle. Just doesn't understand how haiku collections work.)
One of my favorite pieces so far, actually. This time I don't mind the placement of the parentheses. Probably not what you intended, but the would-be-odd placement goes so well with the idea of a puzzle.
The reversal here was also well-done. The ideas are very different from each other, but the transition isn't jarring, either in terms of content or flow.
(Random fact: I just realized that there is no singular form of "parentheses.")
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 4
Hm. Again, the haiku isn't quite letting you do what you need to. Having the parentheses would be this so much smoother in terms of flow, meaning, and visual appeal. As it stands, it's a bit awkward.
Anyway, formatting aside, I love content. If I pause naturally and don't take the line breaks into account, the flow is beautiful. And the sentiment: ah, I relate to that far too well.
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 3
Haha, I love the A/N. I know it's not really part of the piece, but I thought the idea supplemented it perfectly and really made this stick in my mind.
Eh. Last line. I really want to stick the word "so" in there to make the language feel less formal, because as it is, it doesn't quite blend with the rest of the piece. Damn syllables.
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 2
Hm, I'm not quite getting the connection here. The dimple is making the other person fall in love with him/her? I don't think that the idea was really able to be explored enough in this short space, so maybe this wasn't the best choice for haiku format.
I do like the way you use punctuation to break this up. It creates very controlled pauses that keep the flow smooth.
| dragonflydreamer 1/14/11 . chapter 1
Great use of the haiku format. The format is all about using simplicity to convey so much more, and that's exactly what the smile you're describing is like.
Also, technically speaking, haiku are supposed to have some sort of reversal in them. Excellent use of that! It really makes the word "chilling", well, chilling.
Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| Loss of Words 12/8/10 . chapter 14
According to your plea for reviews: granted! ;)
I absolutely love your haikus here - they speak to very real human emotions and insecurities using thoughts, images, moments, and ideas. My favorite haikus were:
i know the sign said,
"shallow water, don't dive here,"
but i trusted you
you wish to be clean;
i wish you'd stop showering
after we make love.
I love the first, because it so simply states our tendency irrationally follow someone we trust, even if the logical thing to do would be to hold back. And it's got a bit of romantic feeling tied in.
The second I love because I totally get the feeling that the other lover gets whenever their other gets up to shower: "Why is what we do unclean? I thought it was beautiful.."
I felt a bit disconnected reading "dimple." It reads as if one is saying "it's okay to have a flaw, we all do," but the tone of the writing feels more like bitterness and resentment in a very ironic way. It even felt a bit like the speaker of the haiku was mocking in the way he spoke.
The haikus were overall very well done. I absolutely loved "dive" and "showering," they are my favorites by far. Despite my criticisms of "dimple," I really liked that haiku too. Good work. :)
| kloun mannequin 12/3/10 . chapter 18
I hate school too, I like this one.
| Delicate 11/4/10 . chapter 8
so much truth in this one,
and so many lessons learned.
and you so so much with 16
syllables, well done.
| YasuRan 10/30/10 . chapter 26
Oh my, this was just gorgeous.
| YasuRan 10/27/10 . chapter 23
Lol, I thought this was cute.
| YasuRan 10/24/10 . chapter 12
Lovely stuff, despite the brevity. Am enjoying what I can