|Reviews for Penumbrae|
| levisama 8/14/12 . chapter 42
Wow, such a cliffhanger! I can see why you were excited on writing this part of this story because it looks like it has a lot of action in it. It was lovely to see Grace and Eidan finally having a sibling relationship in this story. I thought it was very sweet of Eidan to visit Marniolle just for his sister and 'm glad that he has this side to him. Sometimes, it's like he's only caring towards Jenna so I was very pleased to see him treat Grace like that. Although it does make it sadder that he has to kill her. :(
| CieloRayn 8/14/12 . chapter 37
I love how Jenna faces her fears and comes to the realization that she is in love with Eidan ).
| B.R. McNair 8/12/12 . chapter 1
Before I go into review mode, I just need to say this. Your opening paragraph is the complete opposite of the one for my story. Fun fact.
Okay... Well, I can't say I've read many stories in which the main characters die in the prologue. I can only hope they somehow survive. I suppose I'll have to read the whole book to find out though. You have a very effective hook in that regard. In some ways though the reader might get all pissy and not want to read the rest if the characters just die at the end. But I'm not that reader. I enjoyed this chapter and I especially liked your opening sentences. It was also slightly humorous to watch the two leads almost get into a fight right before death, which I felt actually demonstrated the power of their bond. I'll probably read and review more once I steel myself for the 200,000 words I'll have to go through. Good job on this prologue though.
Peace and love,
P.S.- I saw you at the Roadhouse. If you return reviews, I'd appreciate a review for Trials of the Son. :)
| Nesasio 8/12/12 . chapter 3
It's been ages since I read this so I apologize if I say anything particularly stupid about stuff that was mentioned in the first couple chapters. :)
Really interested in Eidan as a character. Obviously he has that mystery of his backstory to make him even more intriguing, but he seems like a strong character in addition to that. I remember when I read this before that I thought Jenna was a bit childish but I think it's cool how Eidan doesn't seem to be. Even in the flashback, you showed their contrasting personalities well. I got a good laugh out of how nonplussed Jenna was at finding a seemingly dead boy in the middle of the forest. She'll be a formidable character someday, I think, when she grows up with whatever you throw at her in this story, and the two of them will be a good power couple/partnership. At least I think that's where this is leading, haha. I need to get further into this story sometime.
Let's see. As I'm thinking about this chapter again I'm torn how I feel about the content. On one hand I think the flashback and 'dream' sequences were both really cool, but on the other the fact that there were two in one chapter was a little odd to me. It's usually best to space out things like that unless you plan on making a habit of jumping around in the timeline. It didn't bother me as I was reading this but thinking back on it I think it might be a little excessive. Just my opinion, though.
Anyway, thanks for the review on my story. It was nice to get back here. I keep meaning to because I remember being really drawn in by the prologue, so maybe I'll stop by again soon. :)
| Highway Unicorn 8/11/12 . chapter 2
*Reviews as she reads*
O, flash back time!
I like Jenna's character, she seems spoiled and naive, but in a good way. It promises a good character development.
Ohhh, Jenna and Eidan are too cute together. :3 I love how you write out her mixed emotions towards him, and how awkward it gets.
Ah, Eidan needs to take Jenna away on a white horse so she doesn't have to marry some stranger. It's sad, really, since that was how it was hundreds of years ago. Poor young girls had to marry some guy they didn't know... :(
Anyways, I liked this chapter. It was cute and it really showed what type of human beings Jenna and Eidan are. :)
| Highway Unicorn 8/11/12 . chapter 1
I love the little poem at the beginning; it truly set the tone of pain and sorrow. And it was nicely written!
The two main characters were gave me a powerful impact. First, I really love how you described the hate of the citizens towards the female. She, obviously, was some form of ruler, princess most likely, and now, because of something she did, their basking love turned into dreadful hate.
Second, I felt all warm and fuzzy when the male held her hand. It was super cute XD even though...they're going to die and stuff...
Which was a shocker at the end. I think it's rather a bold AND creative move to kill off the main characters right at the get-go. Or maybe they don't die? Maybe their saved and they live happily ever after together? Yes? No?...maybe I should just head on to chapter two! :D
Anyways, I really like this story and where it's going! :)
| levisama 8/11/12 . chapter 41
I've nearly caught up to this story and it makes me sad that I'll have to wait for new chapters soon. This was a fun chapter to read because Jenna is being Jenna as usual. Even though it's obvious that she's matured and learnt from her experience in this story, she's still childish. Caelum and Celeste would be agood couple if only Caelum stopped holding grudges against her. He obviously cares because he saved her from Mana but he's just too stubborn to admit it. :(
| illusionae 8/11/12 . chapter 18
I loved the second part of this story! Zeph was a good addition to the cast and I'm glad to see that we'll be seeing more of him. I predict that his friend Mana will also join the main cast and that him and her might end up together. It would be nice to see Zeph being all romantic and nice for once! I like Caelum because he's the complete opposite of Eidan and he's cool. I'm not sure about Celeste yet but she looks like she's kind and pretty much just your typical nice/perfect angel. And lastly I think I prefer Zeph!
| illusionae 8/11/12 . chapter 17
As expected, Eidan and Zeph don't look like they're going to get along. I wonder if Eidan will get jealous because of how Jenna and Zeph are friendly with each other. Maybe it'll make him confess his feelings for her because it's pretty obvious that he does like her! I don't think Zeph will die... because I looked at your reviews and I saw that he was still alive in future chapters. LOL.
| illusionae 8/11/12 . chapter 16
I remember reading this a while back and I felt an urge to read it all again today. It's nice to see Zeph and Jenna getting along better now and Zeph is really a funny character so I hope he'll stay for even more of the story! :)
| CieloRayn 8/11/12 . chapter 32
Lol finally P it took them long enough to realize their feelings for each other ). I love romances P.
| findings 8/11/12 . chapter 43
This chapter was amazing, Lacie is probably being controlled by something, or was. Lucan is written very well.
Jenna's going to save Eiden, yay!
| Vernelley 8/10/12 . chapter 43
Yeah so I said I was going to stay off the computer until after homework but then I saw that you updated so there went that idea.
lkewf Lucan when he saw his mother. That was just heart breaking ;_; I'm not sure that I suspect him as the murderer since he was quite broken about it. Unless his insanity from the time in the abyss has resurfaced or something.
Lacie is a bit... less suspicious now. I don't know. She just seems more like she's unstable than evil or anything... Good characterisation on her here though.
The darkness is coming from Lucan? I suppose up until that point there wasn't really any reason to suspect him... apart from maybe what Celeste mentioned the chapter before. But I wouldn't have expected it to come from Lucan, of all people.
Ugh why are you doing this. Why. Do you want me to cry. Should I just like stop updating my story and leave the epilogue unposted as revenge.
I dunno, considering Lucan's already been able to cope with a very tragic past and managed to be polite and charming until now, I find it a tad too extreme that his personality swings from one side of the continuum to the other. I mean of course it's tragic that both his sister and mother have been killed but until now he's always seemed rather resilient... So I'm not sure if I find that very convincing, but well. I suppose it's a really extreme occurrence so it's not entirely impossible. I do find it slightly un-Lucan.
On the other hand, I want to know what really happened, because I doubt Eidan actually did kill Lacie. I suppose it wouldn't be totally unexpected for Lucan to order Eidan to be executed if he's acting under the belief that Eidan is guilty and since his mother's just died he's just about at breaking point now... I dunno. Still in two minds about Lucan.
Unless of course there is some extraneous variable like Lucan being possessed... or insane... or something. Because I still really refuse to believe he's turned evil of himself.
And maybe Ethel is involved in all of this somehow. I don't know. Wild speculation.
Hmm... Anyway. People start dying now, hmm? ;(
| CieloRayn 8/10/12 . chapter 30
Loved this chapter ) despite the weirdness of finding out that he is supposed to marry his sisters. I loved the ending how Eidan is finally starting to open up and admit to himself that he likes Jenna P. It was a very sweet ending.
| Vivace.Assai 8/10/12 . chapter 43
You weren't joking about updating quick... I mean, you just slapped this update right at me (not that I'm not happy to see the update... it's just I wasn't expecting it... so I guess this is like a slap of love... like what Aidou thinks Kaname gives him).
Whoa… the beginning italics are intense. But pawns makes me wonder if the speaker might be someone like Lacie (someone you would never expect to use everybody else as pawns)… or maybe one of the gods… or maybe Lucan… or maybe… I’ll come back to you with my guesses when this chapter is over.
Whoa… Again… I just have to say that you captured the moment so well in the first part with Jenna when she discovers the dead body. The way you describe the people’s paranoia by showing (and not telling). The way Jenna wants to leave the horrors behind but she is unable to focus on anything but that. The way the paragraphs suddenly become only one sentence as the other characters appear and react to the situation. All of it just blends together to create a situation of hysteria and absolute horror. You just pulled me into the scene at that moment and I felt like my heart just slowed because I was gaping at the computer and unable to process anything else but the horror.
[The fairies were hung from their necks.] That image sent chills down my spine, thank you very much. But it does quite reflect how macabre this scene is. Lacie is acting all prim, proper, and normal, while her mother just got murdered. There’s something up with this girl, and this small detail emphasizes it very well.
["We're all pawns, aren't we?" Her hand gripped the doll's hair tightly.] So Lacie thinks she is a pawn in the game of the gods. So the italicized voice is definitely not her…
["All of you need to die."] Wait… I thought only Grace and Lucan needed to die… Now it’s all of them? Oh no… this is getting intense… and tragic.
But anyways, I loved the characterization of Lacie in this chapter. We get to see her break out of her face. Lacie always acts so impassive and in control of everything – kind of like Ethel. But in this chapter, we get to see her getting crushed by the strain of everything. I like how you foreshadowed that she would crack by the end with her actions. First she confronts Eidan about his origins. Then she questions him about death. And then she proceeds to murder a poor doll. And then she starts crying. It is like she is slowly unwinding from all the pressure; she is progressively reaching her breaking point. And this breaking point occurs when she decides everybody should die. But I think this says a lot about Lacie. She knows so much about what is going to happen, and she tries to be strong and remain impassive to it. But in the end, she is just a human girl, not at all accustomed or ready for the suffering that will occur because of the curse. And her mother’s death is the tipping point for her; this also shows just how much she loves her mother. So she just cracks and loses her façade.
No… You did not just do this… You did not just make Lucan a meanie… No… But I love Lucan… I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS! It seems that I will have to try to find my pitchfork and torch and confront you in England for what you have just done! Yep, I will have to do that. No matter that I don’t know where you live. I’ll just keep knocking on every door until I find a building that houses a 16 year old girl named Francine Diaz (that is why you do not put your personal information online… angry fans of your stories can track you down).
But anyways… *takes several minutes to calm and relax before returning back to the review*
I do think Lucan’s reaction to what has happened is rather realistic and not OOC. I mean, your mother just died. Then you find your sister dead and a guy is covered in her blood and his sword is the weapon that killed her. What connections do you make? Yep… I would think Eidan is the killer, too, though I would have chased him through the hall with an ax (proving that I can be quite macabre when the moment comes). Plus, if Lucan was truly the nice, optimistic prince like Jenna, then this would be surprising. But it’s established in chapter 40 that he isn’t quite like Jenna in his outlook towards life. He is polite because that’s his way of surviving, his way of not losing any more of his loved ones. But now – as he states – he’s lost everything important to him. Lucan has been set-up to be not all that he appears; I presume he might have “darkness” within him, darkness that he has received from suffering so much and being forced to put up an act. So of course he would become uninhibited in his anger, and he would be willing to do anything to get his revenge. Even kill Eidan (though thinking about the law, this would actually be what would happen to Eidan in any other medieval/fantasy kingdom).
It is kind of sad to see the shattered friendship between Jenna and Lucan but it’s clear that the two of them have different priorities. I think this is a really sad way for Lucan to become a “problem” though – I have a feeling that he too is just a pawn in the coming events. But now I’m curious… the ending italicized section mentions that it takes “you to cause a tragedy” – I think this is referring to Lucan… so I guess that means Lucan isn’t the italicized speaker. Maybe it IS Jenna after all the coming events crack her?
Anyways, this was another exciting chapter. So my next theory is that Jenna will try to figure out a way to save Eidan… but she will fail or something even worse happens. Meanwhile, Zeph and Mana discover that the Forest is dying because of the curse. And somehow, everything leads to the prologue where Jenna and Eidan are being burned (or at least what who we assume are Jenna and Eidan). Maybe Jenna will get captured because she tries to help Eidan and the two are about to burned but something else happens… I can’t help but shake the feeling that Lucan and Grace will be the ones burned though because they are meant to die to break the curse.
As for Lacie… I think she might have tried to attack Eidan and something happened that ended up with her dead. Or maybe somebody was controlling her to start the problems…
Overall, intriguing chapter! Can’t wait for the next update!