|Reviews for Penumbrae|
| witeaya 1/29/13 . chapter 1
saw a recommendation for this story.
so im putting this on will read sounds good.
| xDoubleU 1/28/13 . chapter 52
I.. I.. I don't know, I just.. I don't know. I'm speechless. Blah, argh, umm..
Alright. Alright, alright, alright..
Everything's changed, and it's so different and ugh, I hate time skips because they're just too sad, and I feel empty while reading them because everything's so different and time's passed and they grow up and just wow.
I'm not sure where to begin. I just want to keep typing all of my jumbled thoughts and leave you to decipher whatever the hell I'm saying because my thoughts are currently all over the place, but I'm going to try to keep this organized and logical, but I don't know where to begin and so, I'll begin with the beginning.
First of all, let me just say that I lovelovelove the title of the story. It's so.. blah, enigmatically magical, for a lack of a better term. And I love the beginning of the story with the italics. It was honestly what hooked me. I was just lazily going through the stories of Fictionpress, and I clicked on this one, and my eyes widened and I just knew I was going to love this. The first chapter was excellent (and the second one, and the third, and the one after that..), and I liked the fact that Eidan name wasn't mentioned, and though I knew it was definitely going to be Eidan, I liked entertaining the idea of someone else being the guy instead of him (so that I would be at least a bit surprised :P).
I've never been annoyed with Jenna (apart from now but it's understandable why she's acting the way she is but I just can't help being annoyed with her) despite being a spoiled naive little girl. I actually liked her personality. It was different. I don't know, I just liked how she was so honest and open. I didn't really like how she changed because she's so different now, but there were very few instances where I could glimpse the old her. I just.. I fell like she's stronger but weaker in a way. And I disliked how she acted when Eidan left because she didn't really give him the benefit of the doubt but I guess it was because of what happened to her that she completely assumed he left her. She's so different. I'm trying to connect her with the younger Jenna, but it's not so easy. I hated the fact that she told Eidan to keep away from his own child, I really, really hated that because oh, I don't know, you're okay with Caelum being around Vincent but not Eidan? His own father? Blah, I want to read more of the new Jenna to have a better understanding of her. Misfortune still surrounds her, and I just really feel sad for her because she's been through a lot and rape? Her own best friend (even if he wasn't conscious of his actions) raped her and that's so horrifying. It's scary, and it's horrifying and she was just seventeen year old young optimistic Jenna, and oh my God, she's strong for not breaking completely apart..
Eidan.. His story is just too sad. I don't know. I pity him. Whenever I think of Eidan, I just have this picture of him standing surrounded by darkness and alone. I really love him, and I can't help but feel sorry for him. Misfortune surrounds him just as well. Eidan always ends up in messes and trouble, and he's innocent (despite being a shadow). Ugh, I really like him because he's very protective of Jenna and he loves her sososo much and gah, I think he'd die of guilt and regret soon. What he did was absolutely atrocious, and it wasn't him. He wouldn't ever dream of doing it, but it -was- him. And that's just heartbreaking. Ugh. Anyway, I love his personality and his past. I loved how he was so polite, calling Jenna 'Princess' and how he changed and reverted back to calling her by her name. Andandand I loved it whenever he was jealous.
I honestly love Eidan and Jenna's relationship. They fit. I was absolutely ecstatic when they finally kissed, they were so hesitant and cute and oh, I was so happy they confessed their feelings (even though it was not the right time, and it was definitely not a good time to kiss afterwards, either). They really fit together and belong together and that's just so sad and tragic because of what happened. It's honestly sad because blargh they love each other so, so much, and I suspected that he probably raped her ('love turns into lust' and she was puking, so I thought she was pregnant because of -that-) but I still can't believe what happened because ugh it's just so sad. Ugh. Anyway, I loved their relationship throughout the story. I loved their friendship and how that slowly morphed and changed and they loved each other so much, how could you?! D':
I love Zeph, and I remember there were these tiny small moments at first where I wanted him to be with Jenna just because :P I really like his attitude even though it sometimes gets annoying, and I just want to punch him or something. It's weird because I started loving Zeph, and then slowly hating him, and then I went back to loving him again. He was just so irritating and ignorant, but I still like him because you just can't hate him for long. I like Mana, too, and I loved their reunion despite how heartbreaking it was, but at first I disliked her because she was being hypocritical, but soon I started liking her again.
Lucan's just tragedy. He killed everyone he touched (like how Eidan killed everyone he locked eyes with), he was kidnapped for two years, he loved someone who didn't love him, he grew insane, and he lost himself. He's gone. I pity him (much like how I pity everyone else). I really liked him. He was cute and polite. And now I wonder if it's even him. I mean, it's really not Lucan anymore and I despise Ethel for making him go insane. I hated what he did to Grace, too (but I thought it was a clever moment that showed exactly how he changed and how cold and cruel he became). That moment when he found out about his murdered mother was just heartbreaking. It really was so, so sad.. I'm glad Grace embraced him. And I dreaded the moment when Eidan and Jenna would go to Marniolle once Lucan told Grace of their way of execution! I just didn't think it would end up happening that way.. I thought it was funny how Grace slowly became nicer and how he turned cruel, and they grew closer while they were changing. I hated Grace at first but not anymore. She's just a poor little girl, and that's pretty much how I view her now.
Ethel and Lacie. I think they're both the same. Eidan and Lucan's families almost mirror each other, and whenever one of those two girls came up, I would think of the other. They're really similar. Both took their brother's curse, and both were enigmatic and strange, and I think both were manipulative (I'm not that sure of Lacie). Ethel, of course, is more evil, and I think she's more clever. I like how manipulative she is, and I like her despite my hatred of her (?). She's pretty much darkness. I haven't seen enough of Lacie to know exactly how she is, and how I feel towards her, and I'm not yet sure if she deliberately killed herself to save her brother or.. I don't know.
I really like Caelum and Celeste. I like Caelum a bit more because of his attitude. Their (somewhat destructive) relationship is beautiful and tragic. That moment when Celeste died and Caelum was there crying and begging just about broke my heart. The words he engraved on her tombstone broke my heart, as well D': Their whole situation is heartbreaking and ugh. I really like Caelum.
Now that I think about it, Jenna pictured her and Eidan's baby like a day or so before that thing that shall not be named happened..
Anywaysss.. as I said before I like the italics at the start and end of each chapter. I think Lucan's the one talking now, but I'm not sure about the one before him.
I've noticed that there were a few typos and missing words. They're not a lot, though. The typos were mostly 'their' instead of 'they're', or once it was 'sooth' instead of 'soothe' and more recently, 'his' instead of 'this'. The missing words are a bit harder to remember and harder to ignore since I'd have to substitute them. But the chapters are long, and they're not much and of course some of them would fly under the radar.
Blah. I had a lot more to say, but I've forgotten the things I planned to write.. Oh well.
So, I really love this story. It's brilliant, and the characters are unique, and their actions were mostly realistic. It's one of the few stories in which I rarely hated the events that occurred. And I can't wait for my lazy-ass best friend to read this, so I can fangirl with her and such.
I honestly can't wait for the next chapter (and the rest of the chapters).
- Waad, or xDoubleU.
| xDoubleU 1/25/13 . chapter 26
Alright, I'll hopefully write a better and longer (much longer) review later on, but I just can't stop myself right now.
I kept talking and talking about this story to my friend (and I would show you the conversation, so that you'd know how much I'm loving this story, but it's in Arabic and I'm not sure if you understand the language, but you could probably understand the emotions and hearts and the link to this story and I'm babbling), and because of my constant chattering about this story, she finally decided to start reading it, but she wanted me to stop so that she would catch up (and I can't do that. I can't possibly do that, for I love this story too much), but she felt guilty and told me I can continue and I should probably feel guilty because I plan on reading anyway, and oh my God, where has this been all my life?
I've never said this to you, but I think I love you (and your story) and we should be friends :D
I was trying on dresses yesterday, one was gold and light and the other was dark and black, and I just kept thinking of the Light and Dark kingdoms and oh my God, I'm obsessed and I'm sorry you had to read this.
Asdfghjkl. I'll just hit 'Post Review' before I back out and delete this jumble and mess, and I really do love your story.
| Kay Iscah 1/8/13 . chapter 1
One of my biggest pet peeves is seeing the pronoun "I" lower case...however, this opening didn't bug me so much though cause the use seemed very deliberate for effect. The bolding is interesting too, because it invites a double reading.
You're missing a comma in most of your compound sentences, and then you've put them in sentences like [She stopped looking at them, and dropped her eyes onto her worn feet.] Where they're not needed.
I'm remembering why I usually prefer to skip prologues. It often feels like I'm reading the story backwards and spoils things that should be a surprise. And in this case, doesn't really excite me about the story...not that I've taken an instant dislike to the characters or anything, but I don't want to get to like these people just to read about their unpleasant firey deaths.
Either they did nothing wrong, and they're innocents being burned to death (not fun). Or they did do bad things but are in complete denial about it (also not particularly fun...)
I may come back after I get through the current multi-chapter story that I'm reading and give Chapter 1 a try, simply because 273,000 words implies a certain level of dedication. But I thought I'd give you this feedback, since similiar prologues have made me stick books I otherwise might have read back on the shelf at the bookstore.
| Vernelley 12/28/12 . chapter 52
Yay I love how everyone tells each other the important information AFTER like three years -; Like you know, not like it's a delayed revelation of what Eidan did or a delayed explanation of why he left. Also can I just point out how it's really ironic that Jenna was the perverted one imagining making babies with Eidan?
I was expecting worse from Jenna this chapter, but it seems the worst will come later (although it WAS bad. Let's all just go tell everyone to kill their sisters yaayyy). At least here I find her reaction realistic; after all, she and Eidan were in love before that incident so it's only natural that she's feeling conflicted like this. At least now it's clarified that Eidan clearly did not do it on purpose, but it's realistic that she can't forgive him that easily because it is a pretty traumatic experience. She does want to understand though, which is different to how she was before he came back; where she felt like she would rather not hear an explanation.
Yeah so about Vincent living a normal life? Might as well hire Gwen and Morgan as babysitters while you're at it. At least, they'll be involved somehow in the future if they're in the sequel. But anyway, it was interesting to see Eidan and Vincent interact. Though I think you might elaborate a bit more on Eidan's thoughts there since he would still be kind of shocked realising that Vincent is his sonson. (On a side note I think most kiddies start talking at about two... though I don't know how advanced their ability is by the age of three...)
And I was still sticking with my theory about Lucan being possessed... Although it seems more readers want him dead than restored because killing characters solves all sorts of problems \o/ I hope Jenna will think differently about killing Lucan now since she knows that he's possessed. Killing is not really like her, after all, even if she's grown from her younger self. And hmm, I'd never really considered Lucan not being human if he's a clone. So interesting point raised there.
So Ethel is still the big bad at this point in time (lol at Zeph's comment :'D). I don't think she was ever not suspicious. Wonder what it is that she's after that she doesn't mind manipulating just about everybody.
Notes and stuff:
[Vincent was just a child born into this curse; he deserved a life of peace and happiness, unlike what his parents had been forced to savage through in recent years.]
-Would revise use of 'savage' here; it doesn't seem appropriate for the context, since as a verb it usually means to maul something and is usually used as a transitive verb.
[when his father was the prince of the shadows, a creature feared by humans today?]
[Was it possible for Vincent to lead a normal life if he was half human, half shadow?]
["Vincent is half-human, half-shadow," Jenna blurted out.]
-Since Shadow is used as the name of Eidan's race(?) it would be a proper noun (ie capitalised); as far as I know, that's been consistent until this chapter.
[The God frowned. "How do you know about that?"]
-'God' isn't being used as a proper noun in this context (it refers to what Caelum is rather than who he is) so I would probably leave it in lowercase.
["Ah," Caelum slowly nodded, letting the short subject drop.]
-Dialogue should end with a full stop since nodding isn't a verbal action (like mumbling or laughing).
[She was about to retort with something that sounded equally as angry, but Mana's words sunk into her.]
-Would suggest replacing 'sunk' since it's the past participle form and the simple past form 'sank' would be more appropriate in the context of the sentence.
[Jenna was only seventeen when it happened. Seventeen. And he had left her to take care of a baby for three years.]
-Correct me if I'm wrong but I think you previously mentioned around a year had passed since Jenna's seventeenth birthday, so she should have been closer to eighteen. Not that it makes the situation less bad. Just story consistency.
Hmm that's probably it for nitpicks. Anyway things are developing quickly and I'm curious to see how things will play out before the story ends.
| levisama 12/27/12 . chapter 52
Vincent. Is. Adorable. It's even MORE cuter to read about Eidan's reactions to his son because it's so obvious that the poor guy wants to know more about Vincent. I wonder if Vincent's ever questioned who his dad is. Usually, they would be aware of mums and dads at this age so the question must have popped up before. I can understand Jenna's actions though. Even if Eidan didn't mean it, rape is still a hard thing to forgive. Such a good chapter as per usual, please update soon!
| levisama 12/27/12 . chapter 51
I had a feeling this might happen but it's still very shocking THAT JENNA AND EIDAN ACTUALLY HAD SEX. I'm guessing it was during that time when Eidan was controlled by darkness so it probably wasn't gentle and loving but probably more scary on Jenna's part, but still. The fight scene between Lucan and Eidan was awesome but I am wondering how Lucan got really powerful all of a sudden... Off to read the next chapter now! Congrats on over one thousand reviews by the way!
| DutchAver 12/27/12 . chapter 52
For a moment there, I was afraid that Jenna would fall in Eidan's arms and everything was forgiven in a heartbeat. I'm so glad that you decided to keep it realistic and have them still distrust each other a little. Though 'glad' is probably a rather poor choice of words, because them being worlds apart is still really, really sad.
As the story progresses, I begin to hate Ethel more and more as she begins to reveal her true colours, the colours of a manipulative bitch, more and more. I start to think that she doesn't actually care about the curse and is trying to gain her own benefit somehow. And yes, Morgan's words are still echoing in my head. Ethel is the enemy. And I think it is very, very likely that she's the one to open the darkness for Lucan in order to make it hard for the party. Or, maybe, easy for Jenna to kill him - that would be the most friendly explanation of her actions, but not one I'm buying so far.
Jenna herself seems to get pretty dark herself too, but she's got a fairly good reason to hate Eidan. I have the feeling that him returning has utterly broken her because she doesn't want Vincent to meet his father, and that she pretty much counted on him being dead. Again, it seems fairly likely that they'll need to take a few chapters to warm up to each other.
'He's a danger to everyone at the state he's in."' IN the state he's in
Update soon! Am I right in saying that the story's winding down?
| junebird28 12/26/12 . chapter 52
Gahhhh! oh my God, so, so good. I can't imagine a better way for them to react to Eidan realizing Vincent is his. My heart breaks for him it really does. And for Jenna. But poor Eidan! When I think of Vincent, I can't imagine how adorable he must be. Eidan and Vincent have my favorite features. Blue eyes and dark hair are the best. I wish Jenna could have just fallen into Eidan's arms and everything would be okay, but that's not realistic and I think I would have to stop reading if that happened, honestly. Nobody recovers from rape that easily. I can't wait til Lucan dies. He pissed me off when he killed Celeste. And I have absolutely no idea who the person in the italics is, so I'm very curious.
I've been waiting for this for such a long time! I remember I got a PM from you a while ago saying it would be up within a day or two and when it wasn't, I kept checking back. But I didn't want to bug you, so I let it be. Regardless, it was worth the wait. Very nicely done. Update soon, please!
| findingss 12/26/12 . chapter 52
Wow...just wow. I'm like mind blown over here. Little Vincent it so cute! Awww! - I knew it! I knew Jenna was pregnant and that Eidan did that to her. Hopefully in the future, Jenna will forgive him.
| illusionae 12/26/12 . chapter 52
Vincent is such a cute child! He kind of reminds me of what Jenna used to be like, but that must be because Jenna was really childish back then... That scene where Eidan was talking to Vincent was just too cute for me. I'm not even sure why because it was a short scene but I just really enjoyed reading Eidan's reactions to his son. He seems like he would make a wonderful father which is a shame because Jenna doesn't want him to be a part of Vincent's life... Speaking of which, I think Jenna's just too scared right now. She must be pushing away Eidan just so she wouldn't get hurt again, or at least I hope so. I refuse to believe that she actually wants to forget about her relationship with Eidan because they were such a cute couple! It would make me so very happy if Eidan, Jenna and Vincent could be one big happy family by the end of this story. Please update soon! Waiting for new chapters in this story is very painful for me! :(
| CieloRayn 12/26/12 . chapter 52
Lol great chapter ). I loved the interaction between vince and eidan. I think the italics are Lucan lol P
| DutchAver 12/26/12 . chapter 51
DAWUT. Okay. With Vincent's identity, you've seriously surprised me again, with her being Jenna's and Eidan's son and all. I should've seen it coming, but it was a surprise nonetheless. It's kind of hard to imagine Jenna being a mother, to be very honest with you xD She doesn't sound like a mother to me anyway, but maybe I'm still too stuck with the Jenna from the prologue. To say it in the beautiful words of Madame Vastra from Who: 'when did this baby... begin?' Presumably one of the nights they spent together before Eidan left. And now, I'm beginning to understand Jenna even better - she hates Eidan because it looks like he got her pregnant and then ran away ASAP. Poor Eidan, and poor Jenna too.
Where did Lucan learn such excellent magic, by the way? As far as I know, he hasn't practiced magic before, so it's a bit odd that he's so strong now. With the scythe and all.
I loved the start of your chapter. Really sad and it really got to me that the characters were recovering from the big blast Celeste's death gave them. Part of me wonders if she's really dead and can be brought back by ending the curse. Another part of me knows that that first part is just afraid to face the bitter truth. Still, I'm holding my hopes up.
I loved the fighting scene! I think Lucan lets Jenna go a bit too easily, but that's all the criticism I had. I was on the edge of my seat during it.
I'll read the next chapter tomorrow! I discovered one mistake:
'Mana blinked, and Jenna didn't wait for her to ask anymore questions.' These are supposed to be two words, any and more
Until next time!
| thenutrunningthenuthouse 12/26/12 . chapter 52
...Whoa. Well then, that uh, explained Vincent's conception. I swear, reading this chapter, and I still plain cannot imagine Eidan doing something like that. Crazy thing that darkness is.
Well, I don't know if Eidan, Jenna, and Vincent can be one a happy family. I mean, I'd like to see that (I see Eidan being an adorable father), but I think it'll definitely take some road blocks. I'm not normally the hugest fan of baby twists in stories, but I think this one is going to work really well. Also, please, let Jenna and Eidan somehow get back together. They were sooo cute and since Celeste/Caelum can't really happen anymore...
I swear, seeing Caelum now is so strange. Like, I feel like he's some wild lion who's behaved for long enough for the owners to take him off the leash, but i still suspect he's capable of some pretty crazy violence (perhaps to aid ending the curse? Perhaps not? I don't know).
But hah, I have to say, it does sound kind of mean to have Jenna tell Eidan to kill his sister. And haha, Lucan. Funny how seeing him dead doesn't sound so crazy anymore. C'mon Jenna, start some killin'! Now for Grace. Odd, if we had been told early in the story that Grace would die, I wouldn't have minded. Now - it's gonna be a tear-jerker if/when she does die.
Gahh, I have no idea how you're going to end this story. I just see it having a tragic ending and then having a really sweet ending. I hope it's a mix of both.
Anyway, update soon! I'm off to be nostalgic about the violence-prone young father character I had in one of the books I wrote this year...
| Deserthawk 12/20/12 . chapter 6
OH MY GOD THIS REMINDS ME OF - a certain book. Not that I've ever read it, haha.
Nice scene at the end there. Your descriptions of Grace are cool. Especially her eyes.
Am I a terrible person for enjoying that? Like Jenna is kind of, mm still kind of a brat. She needs to toughen up seriously, or I'm just going to be rooting for Grace all the way here. How you gonna win Eidan if you're bawling all the time, girl? Unless that's the sort of thing he likes. Which makes me not like him.
I wonder if Grace has some sort of sense where Eidan is... otherwise that would make everything a lot more stalkerish/creepy.
I wonder what Eidan actually looks like. Since if Grace can change her hair he probably can too...
That was a cute Eidan/Jenna moment, with the hair. Props to you.