|Reviews for Penumbrae|
| Deserthawk 12/1/12 . chapter 2
Oh look, you've persuaded me to read a romance. Heh, that shows it's well-written. Very clever, to make the whole story a flashback. It's interesting they would decide to burn a princess... makes me very curious about what she -did-.
Er, I just hope Eidan's not a - vampire or something. Not sure if I could handle that. But whatever fits the story, I suppose. I wonder what little thing he made... you sure do a good job with all these cliff-hangers.
I think it's kind of funny, that Jenna wants to be treated like an adult when she's so childish. She gets a bit on my nerves right now, really. I hope she toughens up. But overall she doesn't seem bratty deep inside, just spoiled/unrealistic about the world. As expected with a princess, I guess.
I like the poems again. Still not sure exactly what they are... but those bold phrases are effective. At conveying - inner emotions? Cool effect.
| Deserthawk 12/1/12 . chapter 1
Oh damn. That was a good intro, right there. Gotta keep reading.
I'm really feeling for the two main character right now. Even though I don't know their names or - anything. So good job there.
I'm imagining she's maybe a witch or something? But I don't want to make any assumptions right now... I like how they're still squabbling when they're about to die, haha. God, I hope they get out of this somehow.
Your description is cool. Especially the night sky. That was beautiful.
I also liked those poems at the beginning and end. It's interesting how you don't use capitalization... and the bolded sentences. It does convey something. I'll have to think about it more.
| AJ 96 12/1/12 . chapter 1
This was an intense first chapter! The descriptions were well-done and the plot is intriguing and makes me want to read more! :) I liked it when they held hands and how he said 'love' - that was really cute! :)
The transition that you made from acceptance to denial and anger was well-written. I couldn't find and errors and I think that overall, this is a fantastic beginning to your story :) I'm definitely going to keep reading! :P
| Highway Unicorn 12/1/12 . chapter 8
I like the internal war Eidan is fighting practically on his own. Grace doesn't seem to be that much help in comforting him, so that's why I say on his own. Anyway, it's a good aspect and a good character development. I find it sad though that he's not confiding in Jenna, but I guess that's just to protect her...and I suppose telling somebody "HEY THERE. I just have these feelings that make me wanna kill ya, so yeah... We good?" XD
[Years of experience had thought Jenna...] "...had taught Jenna..."
Ewwww. If somebody asked me about making babies on my 17th bday, I would flip out. That must suck for Jenna D: And Lucan doesn't seem so happy in the baby making department either.
Damn! Lacie gots some powers doesn't she? Does Lucan have special abilites as well?
OOOOOOO I like your ending, with Caelum taking over! That was a good twist ending! :D Next chapter must be awesome! :D
Your stories action/ intense drama is comming along nicely!
| CieloRayn 11/21/12 . chapter 50
Very sad chapter (. I liked the heart warming part with Caelum and Celeste. It sucks that they had planned a future and she dies. Still great chapter lol.
| teen-emotions 11/15/12 . chapter 50
This was such a sad chapter :(
So Eiden killed Grace? I never knew he could be so cruel.
| Whiger 11/14/12 . chapter 1
I started reading this story, and I got hooked. Love the two main characters, and I'm excited to read the other chapters.
| illusionae 11/13/12 . chapter 50
You killed Celeste... You killed Celeste after you wrote about her and Caelum being so happy together... I can't believe you would do such a cruel twist of events but I have to say that I really like how this chapter was such a shock. I never thought much about the characters dying so this chapter was definite reality check!
But yay! I have finally caught up to this story! Now please update soon...
| illusionae 11/13/12 . chapter 49
So my internet chose the perfect moment to cut off whilst I was in the middle of reading your story yesterday. As I feared, someone else has claimed the 1000th review spot but that won't stop me from catching up to this story today!
I was really surprised about the timeskip, especially as it's THREE years. That's a really long time that Jenna and Eidan have been separated... Jenna looks like she's changed a lot but I like it. :) I hope her and Eidan are reunited soon because I'm guessing there will be a lot of romantic drama then.
| Mcgde 11/12/12 . chapter 1
I can't wait to continue this. It seems so sweet, and I can't resist a good action romance story! Also, I noticed this is your thousandth review... (Wink wink cough cough) just saying.
| Vernelley 11/12/12 . chapter 50
Ookay so I wasn't planning to review this yet but I read it the other day and I had a lot of thoughts so I need to get them down before I forget them.
I like the little reminiscing about Zeph and Jenna's friendship. They've really come a long way since they first met. I also think readers can relate with Zeph in this part; he seems to miss the old Jenna, back when she wasn't so uptight and humourless about everything.
Kinda curious about what Vincent's like as a character still, and I hope we get to see what Mana's doing in more depth. At the moment we just vaguely know she's off somewhere doing something important so it would be nice to have a bit more detail on that.
Eh. You know me so you know I'm not really the type to care much for love-making scenes. Having said that, I can appreciate the way you used it as a device for this chapter; it gives Celeste's death a whole lot more impact because she and Caelum were probably happier than they've ever been in 2304923757238 years and then you go and kill her. Yeah.
Er. In the way of emotional impact, this chapter didn't have as much as it could have (although that could be because I already braced myself for someone to die because you couldn't help tweeting that someone was going to die).
Speaking of which, I think things have just become a whole lot more complicated for Caelum. Because Celeste died before they were able to end the curse. So if they end the curse then this whole reincarnation loop thing stops (I think? Correct me if I'm wrong) but now Celeste is already dead so if they don't end the curse then she'll be reincarnated again in another life, but then what is Caelum going to do by himself. Kinda awkward if you think of it that way. (I've probably forgotten something important about the curse so there are probably holes in my reasoning somewhere.)
Sigh. I'm not sure if Lucan is really insane or just possessed or something. Maybe they have to kill him to bring him back to normal but that would kind of be cruelly ironic and pointless if he's already dead by then. I still think he's more possessed than insane and it would be really upsetting if he died that way. But then generally speaking it's more tragic when they're back to normal and then they die.
Great to see Grace finally standing up to Ethel after being really passive for so long. Honestly I wouldn't have trusted Ethel to begin with if I were Eidan but then he's been really desperate to try to break the curse so in a way he was playing right into Ethel's hands, whatever it was that she had planned. I suppose it's not easy to choose which of your sisters to believe, but if you think about it he always seems to have been closer to Grace because Ethel's been more like an authority figure than a sister to him (if that makes any sense...).
Sadly I think after what crazy Lucan has done, Jenna might not have any qualms about killing him to break the curse (if she knows that's what she has to do, I can't remember...) but I'm not sure that Eidan is desperate enough to kill Grace...
So, while I'm glad Eidan reutrned to the human world, I can't help but think it's going to be incredibly awkward to be reunited with the crew again. I mean Jenna's in hating-Eidan mode at the moment (although there was that "it hurts when the person you love leaves you" quote... sneaky) so her reaction to Eidan is kind of unpredictable at this stage.
I actually liked how you ended the chapter with the epitaph instead of some other spooky italics. I'm just looking at it from a literary point of view. Generally speaking the things written on gravestones tend to be really poetic or really mournful or whatever, but Caelum's written a fairly plain message, which really suits his character. It's also a lot more optimistic than what you would normally find in an epitaph; instead of emphasising that she's dead, he's instead focusing on his hope to be with her again.
In terms of edits, I didn't see many problems, though there are a few words that could be changed.
[Jenna, who was sitting unceremoniously on a table]
-might swap out 'unceremoniously' for another word; for effective usage it's generally used with a dynamic verb to describe an abrupt action. I get the effect you're trying to go for but I can't think of a good substitute at the moment.
[But the blood grew.]
-'Grew' isn't wrong, per se, but feels a bit weak in this context. You could add elements to describe how quickly it's spreading or find a stronger word.
[tendrils of angry darkness growling from her feet, clawing for Grace.]
-Not sure about using 'growling' with darkness, but that's a personal point of view. If it's clawing for Grace in the next clause, though, it might be better to use a dynamic verb to describe the movement of the darkness instead.
[Royal garments did not bode well with weather.]
-I'd swap out 'bode' since that carries the meaning of 'foreshadow' or being an omen of something, and it doesn't really make sense in this context.
Anyway, good chapter. Wouldn't say I'm too upset about character death just yet. It'll just be when you start killing more characters that I start raging at you.
| illusionae 11/12/12 . chapter 48
It is my goal to catch up to this story today because I will not only feel accomplished but I will also be giving you your thousandth review, so I'm hoping that no one will get the 1000th review before I do...
This chapter was again depressing. I hope that this whole part of the story isn't all sad because by the time I'm halfway, I will probably feel empty and lifeless. It's just really easy to get attached to your characters!
| illusionae 11/12/12 . chapter 47
NO NO NO NO. EIDAN CAN'T LEAVE JENNA. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING TO THEM. Things are really getting sadder and it makes me even MORE sad because I just re-read some of the earlier chapters where Jenna and Eidan are so sweet together. It's such a shame that everything is falling apart now even though all Eidan did was try to help Jenna. :(
| Animel 11/12/12 . chapter 50
Oh my goodness. I am in shock. Are you trying to destroy me?!
Clearly. Evil. Ahem, anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that I have been invested in Caelum and Celeste from the beginning and have loved following their story and valued it as much as Eidan and Jenna's if not more. It has always been such a beautiful tragedy, and I suppose it is fitting for it to have ended in that sort of way as well, although I must admit I did not see it coming and am quite devastated.
This story really stresses the great unfairness of life, be it from fate or gods or curses or a crazy person with an arrow, and the people who struggle against that unfairness to find some peace or happiness.
There is little more tragic than when they come so close to doing just that, overcoming many an obstacle, only to fail in the end.
Poor, poor Caelum. They just never had a chance, did they? I should be excited for Eidan to return, and of course I am, but it is tempered by sadness.
| illusionae 11/12/12 . chapter 46
It's clever how you've written the same scene from the prologue in this chapter but because you've done it in Eidan's POV, its really different now. I understand now because in Jenna's view, it could look like they were dying when the darkness took over everything. But to Eidan, that was just him letting the darkness in... I hope Eidan doesn't hurt her by the way. :(