|Reviews for Penumbrae|
| Guest 10/14/12 . chapter 20
- Greetings again, reviewing the newest chapter since got the time!
- Feels more like a transition chapter here, though it works strong enough since characters are key here. Got some laughs in this one thanks to Jenna's interactions with boys and the games. Really, for sake of character growth and showing lighter side of thing in between the troubles, this chapter is excellent. Zeph does still remain my favorite too. XD As always, excellent job!
- Oh and don't forget to check out Grandmaster's final chapter currently out to see how that arc ends!
| Vivace.Assai 10/12/12 . chapter 47
Back to review this story! Yay!
Wait... so we don't even get to know what happened? You're just going to leave that an agonizing secret that will twist our hearts and eat our brains for days on end until you update the chapter that gives us the truth? All we're giving after such a horrifying cliffhanger is Eidan waking up? What?! What?! *mind almost explodes at the shock of the twist you've pulled on us*
But to be frank, as an objective (non-emotional, fangirlish) story analyst (in simple terms, reviewer), I must admit that it was a good direction to take the story. It definitely leaves more tension between the characters (and agony for this reader). I mean, what happened? Eidan is confused. Everybody is avoiding the question. I don't know how Jenna feels yet (I'm reviewing as I read right now), but she's probably trying to avoid Eidan or something. Last chapter made it clear that Eidan did something really bad to her, but nobody knows because Eidan is the narrator and he just had to forget everything. I'm so confused and worried like Eidan except I'm tearing up right now and will probably cry as I imagine all the horrible things Eidan could do to Jenna... and I'm not even as sadistic as you are as a writer.
But anyways, we have mystery and we have confusion and we have changing relationships between characters. So this seems like a good set-up for the coming events (whatever they are... I don't know but knowing you, I assume it'll be good). But maybe I should continue reading before I keep rambling on with this review...
*takes several minutes to finish reading the chapter*
[He couldn't blame the darkness entirely. It was his own selfishness that made him stay in this world. Not the darkness.] *breaks into sniffles* Eidan, oh Eidan... poor Eidan. This moment was so sad. I think it was a great moment for him as a character. He's been going through this story blaming the curse and blaming the darkness - events and pasts he couldn't control - for everything that has happened. Though he felt guilty, it was clear he never truly blamed himself. But here, he admits that his selfishness destroyed everything. I think this is something that is really hard to admit, but it marks Eidan's change as a character. His decision to return to Balandria also shows how he is willing to confront things he detest; he's growing and becoming a stronger character. I feel so bad for him though... I feel so bad for all the characters...
Still I worry what will happen when he remembers what he did... I have a feeling his reaction won't be good and this will propel his character to change again (for better or worse). But then again, I'm getting really bad at predicting what will happen next so I might be wrong.
Talking about what he did... Let's backtrack a few paragraphs.
WHAT DID EIDAN DO TO JENNA? Jenna's vomiting and Mana thinks it might be related to what Eidan did, though Jenna is completely against the idea. Did he do something so horrible to her that now she's completely stressed, disgusted, and ill? Or did what he do to her caused her new illness? I have a feeling the scope is completely horrid because well... the fact she's vomiting gives us a clue. And now she is scared of Eidan, too, and wants to avoid him. I'm curious to hear Jenna's narration about her thoughts; it would be interesting to really understand her feelings. I like this shift in character relationships, since it makes things so much more complex. Throughout this story, Jenna has been supporting Eidan and been relying on Eidan; but now she can't even trust him. It's also ironic that she always tells him he isn't a monster and now he's made her be frightened of him... This change is so depressing... JennaxEidan is so perfect but n-no-now... *starts sniffling again*
So great chapter. Sorry if my reviews have been lackluster. I don't review for several weeks and I think I just lose my knack for it. Or it could be because I'm sleep-deprived. But anyways, I feel so conflicted whenever I read this story. Half of me is smiling in glee because I'm looking forward to the awesome conclusion you have in store for this story. The other half of me is sobbing hysterically because death makes me sad. So I'll probably be laughing and crying for the rest of these chapters...
Can't wait for the next update! And I shall check out Altering tomorrow or Sunday!
| Guest 10/12/12 . chapter 47
Loving it. Can't wait for the next chapter
| Loraine Wentworth 10/12/12 . chapter 4
I like the mystery you continue to hint at with Eidan's past here. I'll be interested to see where that goes. He is clearly part of something pretty complex- this moves the plot along very nicely.
With the mention of Jenna's meeting with the prince you introduce some extra dramatic tension, too. The prince himself seems likely to become an important character, too, and it was interesting to hear what Eidan thought of him.
The description works well in this chapter too. I liked the description of the prince- it made it quite easy for me to picture him. The description of the sunlight was evocative, too.
| illusionae 10/11/12 . chapter 40
Wow so many things happened in this chapter! I'm glad that Jenna and Eidan are alive and I didn't actually expect that they would die because you still have a lot of chapters left... But nevertheless I let out a sigh of relief when I found that they were brought back from the dead. Lucan's past is unfortunate. I always knew he was hiding something because he can't be that perfect all the time but it was still a surprise to find out how his people treated him just because they were scared. I think it's really freaky how his past literally mirrors Eidan's past. I wonder if that's going to have some importance in the future? Wonderful chapter as always! I am so glad I stumbled across this story! :)
| thenutrunningthenuthouse 10/10/12 . chapter 47
Thanks so much for the review and jeez, has it ever occurred to you how LONG this thing is? I mean, I know it's high fantasy and all, but this must be over 800 pages! Have you hit 1000 pages yet? I mean, even though that sounds overwhelming to me, it must be super exciting to hit. (the only way I'd be able to hit 1000 pages would be if I put the Crowe series on one document...)
Anyway, uhhh, review time!
I find awakenings so telling of characters and how the plot has come to affect them. For instance, Aang's awakening was one of the first times we really got to see Aang so disorientated and...weak. Maybe not physically after a few seconds, but it was clear that he really was injured, and that awakening episode really hit home.
You did a wonderful job with Eidan's awakening. I liked how he really wasn't weak or injured. That part shows that yeah guys, Eidan is really powerful. It adds an edge to him, where from one angle, he almost seems unstoppable. It's chilling. Then, you juxtapose that against his mental state, which is so fragile. I like how he shifts through confusion and numbness until he realizes what he did. It's so weird how throughout this chapter I never really...felt bad for the townspeople whom he killed. Sure, they were jerks, but it almost felt as if Eidan was destined to kill them, and it felt right. That's super weird for me to feel, so your writing must be doing something.
Oh Caelum, so off with his priorities. I like how he's still annoyed that everyone dragged him out of his inn than really focus on Eidan's succumbing to the darkness. Of course, he mentions it, but I like how he's so flippant about it...or impressed is how you put it. Now, I'm a bit confused. Was Caelum Eidan's source of power, or does him being born a Shadow give him the power, and Caelum is just an extra power surge (when he was in him, anyway)?
Oh Ethel Ethel, Ethel. Legit, I see some crazy places the Azula/Zuko relationship could never go (incest...) with Ethel and Eidan. Anyway, I loved their interactions. Ethel really seems like she has some other agenda, and I can't wait to find out what it is. It wouldn't be fun to hear that she just wants her brother/lover back home. ;) But oh man, when Ethel called Eidan brother I had Azula's voice in my head, and it was soo cool.
Ahhh, what's Jenna and Co. gonna do without Eidan? D: And I bet Caelum won't stay either! Where will they get their daily doses of darkness? And angst (I seriously almost spelled it aangst...awkwarddd)?! WOOO! Angst rocks! :D Can't wait!
I'll try to check out your new story and thanks for the review on TSLoTM
| Vivace.Assai 10/10/12 . chapter 46
I don't know how detailed this review will be. In my attempts to balance school and catching up on alerts, I had to read this on my phone several hours earlier at school... So, my memory might be hazy and I don't have the drive of complete and utter shock propelling me forward (with all the writing in all caps and quoted excerpts).
Okay, I'm putting my guess that the character in the italicized sections is either Eidan or Jenna. This guess is not final and will probably change, but that's what I'm going with for now...
So reading this chapter, I got a large sense of deja vu. No surprise of course because you make it clear that the events in this chapter has occurred before. In fact, for me, this same event occurred only 6-8 months ago in the prologue. Yet, I found myself not bored or disinterested in what was happening because you added new dimensions to the events of the prologue. By having Eidan narrate, there is a chance for readers to gain new insight into what is happening. It just goes to show that perception makes things seem a lot different. While Jenna's narration suggested something really different, Eidan's narration shows his anger and foreshadows that something much worse is about to come... I love how you used point of view to make this scene intense and engrossing - quite a great employment of a literary convention (see what school has done to me? Before you know it, I'll stop talking about your plot and instead focus on why the way you write is meaningful).
Furthermore, you built up Eidan's fall into darkness very nicely. I love how you described it as something scratching down to his bones. Very gruesome and horrendous to imagine but perfect with the whole tone of this story. I mean, the imagery created from the metaphor just really stood out for me; the fact you employed the metaphor for the duration of the chapter made it stronger. So with this metaphor, you've managed to show how powerful and terrible Eidan's darkness is. And as the end of the chapter shows, it's something worry of making little children shiver under their beds at night. I find Eidan's decision to be quite ironic though. He decides to give into the darkness because he wants to save Jenna from death; however, he only horrifies Jenna more and is about to kill her (until somebody probably comes in and saves her). So in the end, Eidan wasn't really able to protect Jenna. Horribly ironic? Yes. Very. Makes for a good plot? Well, everything tragic you do makes for a marvelous plot.
I think you handled the descriptions marvelously in this chapter. You've managed to give readers a good image of how bloody everything is without being too gross. You had a great control of detail: you gave us enough detail to leave on us an impression without making us sick to the stomach. So kudos there.
As for plot... I'm shocked. I know you said one character has an epic character change. But I was not expecting Eidan. He always seemed in control of everything. Apparently not. Apparently he has been holding back a secret evil that has now made him a monster. Now I don't know what to expect from this story. I thought I was getting a good idea of where you were going to lead with everything, but you keep make so many ingenious plot twists... So now I'm confused all over again. :P
I'm not sure how this is going to change Eidan's and Jenna's relationship though... There's going to be same major trust issues after this. Poor Jenna. She definitely was not ready for this, for all of this. And now we have to crazy people under the darkness's influence: Lucan and Eidan. Great... Yep, I'm not expecting a happy ending with rainbows and bunnies now (not that I ever was with the way you're taking this story and due to your admittance that you like bittersweet endings).
Will read next chapter and new story soon. Maybe on Friday when I have my free period and am free of IB Math and Bio test?
P.S.: Sorry it took so long to get to this. D: Blame college applications... and school...
| findings 10/10/12 . chapter 47
I wonder why Jenna's vomiting? Did Eidan get her pregnant or is she just way sick?
OH NO! EIDAN DONT LEAVE JENNA! SHE LOVES YOU!
| illusionae 10/10/12 . chapter 39
What started out as such a cute chapter ended in the most evil cliffhanger of all time. That was such a graphic and painful chapter to read. I was literally staring at the screen in shock because I never expected you to do something so horrible to poor Eidan and Jenna... I hope they're okay. They cannot be dead, they're the main characters... Well I hope they're not dead...
| illusionae 10/10/12 . chapter 38
Jenna and Eidan are so cute together! I'm so happy that they kind of told each other their feelings in this chapter. For some odd reason I really like Morgan as well. He's such an unfeeling and cold character that you make me wonder how or why he ended up that way. Same with Gwen too! I'm hoping to catch up to this story soon so I've been trying to read about two or three chapters a day in case you haven't noticed yet. :D
| illusionae 10/9/12 . chapter 37
This chapter just about tore me apart. I was actually in tears when Jenna was apologising to her parents in the ball room! It's so nice to see how much she's grown as a character and how much she's learnt in this journey. The way you've developed her character is astounding because it's like she's a different person from the spoilt princess we met in chapter 1. But you've done it slowly so that it's realistic and almost unnoticeable until this chapter where you do realise that she's grown up so much. Even so, Jenna is still quite childish and chirpy at heart so she's still the princess we know and love!
| illusionae 10/9/12 . chapter 36
this chapter was very interesting! I like how you introduced Gwen and Morgan, I thought the impact they made on their first appearance was very good and I'm looking forward to reading more about them! As usual Jenna and Eidan are so sweet with each other. Aaw. I just love their romance/friendship so much.
| Vernelley 10/8/12 . chapter 47
Yeah so like if I fail my oral exam tomorrow, I'll blame you for updating today. Sounds good right? 8D jkjk
Oh gosh Eidan what did you do. I'm pretty sure more happened than what Mana and Zeph let on, but they're not saying everything because it would make things uncomfortable. Certainly seems like it. Jenna's actions and speech suggest that too. It's kind of sad that now she has to run from the one she used to turn to when she was troubled.
I still reckon Ethel has ulterior motives; maybe yes she's got Eidan's best interests in mind, but it still feels like she wants something else. Maybe she would benefit somehow from the curse being broken. I don't know. Story's so long I can't remember what happened already. I don't even remember my past speculations XD
Interesting to note that Eidan has this moment of reflection in which he views his selfishness rather than the darkness as the thing that should be blamed; not sure exactly how abstracted the concept of darkness is here so one could say they do have some relation anyway, since selfishness would stem from some form of darkness, maybe. That felt like a ramble. But anyway. It's true that all those things happened to Jenna and her kingdom and all the rest because of him, but on the flip side, look at how much Jenna has grown since the start of the story.
Although if you look at the big picture, is it really worth it to have so many things messed up just for Jenna's growth... Hmm... I don't know either. My own commentary is getting too philosophical for me and I don't like it.
I wonder how Jenna will react when she finds out Eidan's going... Since some people try to avoid others until the other party is actually gone, then it's a bit late, and then usually tragedy ensues.
Oh, and the italics. "Everyone dies in the end." So maybe I'm right and everyone does die D: Although it's probably not referring to the end of the story, it would hardly come as a surprise if that actually happened... Well, if you're anything like me. 8Db
Okay and yeah I rarely point out edits and stuff when I read your chapters (usually busy fangirling, especially over Lucan) but there are few that struck me as a bit awkwardly worded, so maybe you could revise them.
'To think that he could have done something awful solely just by himself petrified him to no end.'
-The 'solely just by himself' is slightly redundant; you could probably take out 'solely' and it would have the same effect.
'she sent him a scowl and interrupted him before he could even utter a word.'
-Technically you can't interrupt someone if they're not saying anything... Keep that sentence, but substitute a different word in place of 'interrupted'.
"You've had that darkness manifesting inside you ever since you were born, Eidan!"
-I'm not entirely sure the word 'manifesting' is appropriate in this context, since its general definition is to be apparent, evident, visible. I know what you're trying to say but I'm not sure 'manifest' is the best verb to use in this situation.
I sound really nitpicky :s Sorry. I don't generally notice things like that once I'm into the story, but I dunno, none of this review feels like one of my normal ones. My mood is a bit weird today...
As for the depressing moments, drama, tension, and fighting next chapter... All I have to say is, "Sounds like a typical Francine chapter." Especially the first one.
Anyway, great chapter. Next one should be interesting as well. It would be.
| levisama 10/8/12 . chapter 47
NO. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. EIDAN CAN'T LEAVE. JENNA CAN'T BE AFRAID OF HIM. As you can see, I am very upset by the turn of events. It's just sad how everything changes in this chapter. I remember Eidan vowed that he would stay with Jenna and protect her in earlier chapters and Jenna in turn told him that she could never be afraid of him. Now look at them. It's so sad but well written! Please update soon!
| levisama 10/8/12 . chapter 46
I like what you did with the prologue! Even though it's practically the same scene from the first chapter it's really interesting how you gave it a different meaning because it's now written in Eidan's POV. I thought that was really clever! But I'm worried for Jenna now... I hope Eidan doesn't do anything too bad.