|Reviews for After I Die|
| lovewithoutyourheartbeat 10/30/10 . chapter 1
Hey, I'm Huge In Japan from The Review Game!(:
Some little typo's I found:
"Well your right something interesting dose happen to me." your should be 'you're' and 'dose' should be 'does'.
"...all three of the men came out a third had no weapon" The 'a' in this sentence should be 'the'
"...telling her my death saved man peoples lives" 'Man' should be 'many'.
Those are no big deal, I do that sort of thing all the time.
Your characters voice was quite comical even in such tragedy. I enjoyed quite a bit parts.
The 'Jesus Lovers' Be Gone part: I know most people would be kind of pissed of at this for you undermining there faith, but I'm not. Then again, I spirtitual in a more creative way rather than following what I hear.
The Beginning: When he was describing himself, speaking of redeeming qualities and whatnot. I felt that it was good he was just kind of an average joe kinda guy. That makes him so much more appealing than some Adonis-like being.
The Goodness and Remorse: I was particulary upset when you began speaking of how no one cared at the moment but would in later years. Because thats true. This is what upsets me. The fact that the goodness of people only extends to when it's in their best intrest. But than again we have some people who do things out of the goodness of their hearts, or prehaps just to do something *good*, something worthy like your main character.
Parts I didn't like: The only thing I can say is that with the whole 'sands' ritual thing that his good side should not have 'barely made the cut' he just said the lives of about 60 people. Thats a very noble deed, and should be rewarded.