|Reviews for anything, everything|
| Unknown Sorrow 10/31/10 . chapter 7
This last chapter is sweet and simple-it could stand on its own as a poem.
OVERALL REVIEW OF THE STORY:
I'm going to be blunt-try not to take too much offense to what I've said or will say...
If you're going to put poems in different chapters they need to relate to each other. If they don't relate, you might as well make more separate poems. The way I see it, the point of using chapters in poetry would be to relate the different chapters, not present a bunch of different disconnected phrases. I used chapters for one of my poems, and the point was that one was a continuation of the other...
I do like the "Payback" chapter. Again, it's another that could stand on it's own.
Overall, this poem needs a major over-haul. Combine all these separate parts into one, or separate them into separate poems, but don't keep them like this. Any message that you may have been trying to convey with this is lost with the click of the mouse (as you go from chapter to chapter).
| Unknown Sorrow 10/31/10 . chapter 3
All I'm going to say is this appears to have no relevance to the preceding chapters, so it has no meaning in the context... If you give no hint of what you're trying to say, the readers won't know what you're saying.
| Unknown Sorrow 10/31/10 . chapter 2
This seems liek it has the possibility to relate to the first "chapter", which is perfect!
I love how you added the ( ) part in there-though, I recommend putting it in its own line between the two stanzas.
(to set it apart)
Onto the next chapter...
| Unknown Sorrow 10/31/10 . chapter 1
The way the first three lines are written puts a perfect emphasis on "weed" and "breathing" that adds great meaning to this part of the work! It sucks that you didn't keep that up...
The last four lines don't seem to flow as well...