this isnt bad poetry hahahah. it is really good, just rough around the edges. it is raw feeling. i can feel things when i read your poetry, if tht makes sense, which it might not.

good job...

check out my stories. and stuff like tht.

This piece (pyro) has a great sound to it, if you read it aloud it's very effective. I did find the rhyme to be just a little forced in some places, maybe because the syllable count of the sentences isn't always even. Rereading it aloud you might see my point. The rhyming adds a sense of direction and flow, but the (almost) awkwardness of the wording of the sentences (wow what an awkwardly worded minisentence!) divides it, and not in a helpful way.

Also the punctuation is a little random. All those commas break things up a bit unnecessarily in my opinion, semicolons and just simple periods could help work in a bit more variety. It's the most obvious after "all that shields me is thin cloth,/sickness, sickness, it's all mine". Those two lines are not immediately related to each other, so really should be separated by something more. Just my opinion :)

Jack

Review Game, Poetry - Easy Fix

You have some great poems on here. I really liked this one; you use some strong imagery and the first stanza, I think, works really well. Great job.

I really like this one. Each stanza would be good on its own, but put together they're, well, great. They really compliment each other and the imagery is striking. I especially like the first bit, it kind of sets up the tone. Great stuff.

I like the part boput being so much beautoful than that, but it's sad people doesn't realize it.

Sorry I haven't reviewed more of this - I'm not good at reviewing poetry :P Anyway, I really liked that one; the imagery works well and I like how it's not overly stated what they must do, but rather implied in the objects mentioned and the title. Good stuff.

-_-

unrequited love sucks major arse. with me, friend/relationships start off pure, then steadily crumble until you can't even look at 'em without blushing.

(did you survive yasi? you're a freaking workhorse!)

Great imagery, it's really strong. Nice work.

valiant.

oh god, i just heard about hurricane yasi this morning. i really hope you're okay. i can't believe the bad luck aussie's having at the moment. fuck. i can't even comprehend what it'd be like to be living in a place that's flooding and burning and everything; and i'm only in new zealand.

have hope. things can only get better, right? (:

i have curly hair. aw. but i really liked this. there was something cute and chirpy about the rhythm of it. :D

This had me confused at first but then I understood it and I found the metaphor quite humourous. I really like the French in the poem. Great job. Update soon. :)

I'm not entirely sure what this one is about, but you definitely have some great lines. "The fence I stand on is made of nettles and teeth." and " My hands are puntured like flat tires" is another great line- great imagery.

Can't wait to read the next one.

I really like this - I feel like it's different, the imagery works really well and I like the "he does it with a wasted elegance". It really characterises Death, gives him a strong persona. Great stuff, will be reading more soon.

Don't call yourself a bad poet! This poem is really great, and labeling this collection bad poetry only serves to keep people from reading it or at least making them come in with negative expectations. You have some fascinating lines in here, and you bring a lot of originality to an old subject. I look forward to reading more of your work (which I am going to do now). :)