|Reviews for Waiting on Him|
| HiddenFromYou 11/27/10 . chapter 1
The beginning, with the part in bold plus the part in italics, isn't the best way to opening in my opinion. As you've got a '&' sign at the beginning of the second line (should be 'and' by the way :P), it therefore reads as a run-on and I don't think it really fits.
Linking the italics lines, where does the '&' in the first run-on from? I automatically think the previous poem I just read of yours, but as they're seperate documents, that can't be right. I was a bit confused about this.
I liked that I could relate to this, as I can a lot of your work.
There was another line I really liked, but I can't for the life of me find it. -_- I did however, both like and dislike this line: "from that first moment our eyes met/to the last second your lips touched mine/i never believed it was true." I liked it because it's an awesome line and it really rounds up the poem well, but I disliked it because you talk about love throughout the poem, but then say at the end that you never believed it was true?
Going back to the italics to round up, I think the line I quoted above would be a better ending that the one you have, as between the final stanza and the final line, you jump tangents, which is quite disorientating.
-From the Review Marathon (check out the link in my profile)